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Digitized by the Internet Archive 

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http://archive.org/details/squibi92021mass 




When you're up-town you'll 
find it worth while to get ac- 
quainted with a place that is 
full of real values — the best there 
is at a right price. See for your 



self and tell others. Ask the boys who have already learned. You'll find a LIVE STORE at 

CAMPIONS 



Have you seen our bargains 
in overcoats? 



Run by College Men who 

understand what a 

college man wants. 



Salli: "Where is Jones living now.?" 
Ente: "On the Farallone Islands, I think." 
Calli: "What makes you think that.'*" 
Ente: "Saw him the other day "nd he said 

that he and his wife were doing light-house keep- 

mg. 

— Pelican 



Stage Struck Maiden (after trying her voice): 
"Do you think I will ever be able to do anything 
with my voice .^" 

Stage Manager: "Well it might come in 
handy in case of fire." 

— Awgwan 



She (just back from Paris:) "I can't go to 
this dance tonight, my trunks haven't arrived." 

He: "Good Lord — what kind of a dance do 
you think this is going to be.''" 

— Lampoon 



"Where are the papers.''" 

"They're at the blacksmith shop." 

"Forged, eh?" 

"No, filed." 

— Awgwan 



SEW OR GIVE DOPE 

Willis: "My mother made her living by the 
needle. 

Gillis: "Shake. So did my old man. He was 
a Prohibition-town dope doctor." 

— Judge 



"Have you any soup entrees?" 
"No, sir, only in cups." 

— Lampoon 



In Russia among the Bolsheviki a man is liable 
to get shot if he wears a clean collar. A lot of us 
guys would be safe in Russia. 

- — Sun Dial 



KODAKS 



VICTOR RECORDS 



DEUEL'S DRUG 
STORE 



FOUNTAIN PENS 



PIPES 



MILLETT 



JEWELER 



Watch and Clock Hospital 

Next to Post Office 



The Rose Tree Inn 

THE IDEAL PLACE 
FOR DINNER OR 
AFTERNOON TEA 

NORTHAMPTON, MASS. 


Paper City Engraving Co. 

We are the engravers for 
THE AGGIE SQUIB 

Our work speaks for itself 

Radcliffe Bldg. 
Phone 700 Holyoke, Mass. 


He: "Have you ever kissed a man before?" 
She (falteringlv) : "Y yes." 
He (excited) : "Tell me his name so I can thrash 
him." 

She: "But — but — he might be too many for 

you." 

— Gargoyle 


Hart Shajfner & Marx 
Clothes 

SHIRTS TIES 

College Outfitter 

COLLARS HATS 

F. M. THOMPSON & SON 


Prof.: "Is Jones ill?" 
Frosh: "Yes, sir." 
Prof.: "How do you know?" 
Frosh: "Last night I heard someone tell him 
to lean over and take his medicine." 

— Banter 


If a fellow tries to kiss a woman and gets away 
with it, he's a man; if he tries to kiss her and 
doesn't get away with it, he's a brute; if he doesn't 
try to kiss her but would get away with it if he 
tried, he's a coward; and if he doesn't try to kiss 
her and wouldn't if he did, he's a wise man." 

— Dirge 



The United States Hotel 

BOSTON, MASS 

Ei;ropean Plan $1.50 a day and up- 
wards 

Tilly Haynes James C. Hickey 
Prop. Mgr. 


ACADEMY OF MUSIC 

Northampton 
COMING ATTRACTIONS 

Photo-plays: 

Nov. 25-26— "Deliverance"— Kelen Keller 

Nov. 29-30— "The Great Accident"— Tom Moore. 

Dec. 2-3 —"The Breath of the Gods"— All Star Cast. 

Dec. 6-7 —"Yes or No"— Norma Talmadge. 

Dec. 8-9 —"The Ghost of Rosie Taylor". 

Dec. 13 — "Passions' Playground" — Katherine Mac- 
Donald. 

Dec. 15 —"The Girl with the Jazz Heart"— Madge 
Kennedy. 

Road Attractions: 

Nov. 27 —"Nightie Night" 
Dec. 4 —"Mary". 


Excited: "Look at him come down the field 
head on!" 

Pessimist: "I've never seen anybody come 
down the field with it off!" 

• — Record 


The other night while going home 

Somewhat later than usual 

I was waylaid 

By a masked marauder 

Who massaged my ribs 

With a Colt .38 

And asked me very impolitely 

For my cash 

But when I told him that I had 

Been out with a co-ed 

He handed me a five dollar bill 

And passed on silently. 

— Gargoyle 


Ebb: "Why don't you wear calico any more?" 
Flo: "Oh, I just hate to see myself in print." 

— Widow 


NOBLE & FLYNN 

Druggists for Aggie Men 
Drop in and get acquainted 

Page & Shaws Candies — Expert Photo 

Work 

Tel. 856-M 
24 Main St., Northampton, Mass 


BO YDENS 

Delicious Dishes — Best of Service 
FaciHties for College Banquets 

When visiting at Smithl 
S'nuff Sed\ 

196 Main St. Northampton 



ARTHUR P. WOOD 

JEWELER 

The Jewel Shop 
for 
Aggie Men 
197 Main St., Northampton 



She bent over him and gazed longingly into his 
one good eye. "Je t'adore," she murmured, 
every syllable a caress. He looked up at her and 
answered gruffly, "Aw, go shut it yourself." 

— Gargoyle 



ZU VIEL FEMMES 

The dawn was cold and chilly. Outside the 
grim walls of the prison the kindly old gentle- 
man who waiting to greet the discharged pris- 
oners, he approached one and asked if he 
needed any help. 

"My poor friend," he began, "what brought 
you to this.''" 

The ex-convict, addressed, began to weep 
copious tears of repentance. 

"I dunno, sir," he replied sadly, "unless it was 
attendin' too many weddin's." 

"Ah, you learned to drink at those festivi- 
ties, or perhaps to steal .f*" the old gentleman 
put in sympathetically. 

"No, it wasn't that. You see, I was always the 
bridegroom." 

■ — Punch Bowl 



The Hotel Worthy 

of 
SPRINGFIELD 

The Best Place For 

DINNER PARTIES AND 
BANQUETS 

Corner Main and Worthington 




STETSON 

SECOMING to nearly every alert, 
smartly turned-out man — the Stetson- 
ian, the feature of the Fall season. You'll 
want a Stetson Derby, too. You don't 
always feel like wearing the same hat — nor 
is the same hat always appropriate to the 
surroundings or the occasion. 

JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY 
Philadelphia 



F. E. CARLSON CO. 



CONTRACTORS 



ALUMNI MEMORIAL BUILDING 



GIRLS' DORMITORY BUILDING 



CAVALRY HORSE BARN 



244 Main St. 



SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 




Cl|Uiir^n 



Cl^ ilJirtn laugli ant rl|tlJir^« pl^^^ 

Car^f rB^0 In ti|^ir gl^^— 
1331|0n all ts brigl^t anh gay, 

Pray uil^y al|0ullin't tl|py b?? 

Slut uil|B^n troubles tte^p up n^ar, 

#ujtft tly^y tak0 t0 fHgl|t, 
AnJt aob in motl^^r's kmJtlg ^ar 

^antits of tljetr f rtgljt. 

^ttll tl|0 tim0 must rom^ tulf^u tl^^js^, 

IC^autug al^^lt^rtug rar^, 
Musi tarklc^ uinrk auli stiz^ 

©rouble tu l|ta latr. 

S^ll^u uil?0u first !u patu tly^y ui^, 
^truggliug uittl^ Slifc^— 'tis tly^u 

©Ij^ir cl^tlJiitsly tiaya l|auF all passed by; 
S^l^py arie m^u— strnuy m^ul 



Literary Editor. 
B. F. Jackson, '22. 

Art Editor. 
F. S. Fletcher, '21. 




□ DQDai 
SDODOl 
ODDDDi 




QUID AGIS AGE, AGGIE 



Editor-in-Chief. 
M. F. Webster, 21. 

Managing Editor 
C. R. Vinten, '22 



Business Manager. 
M. M. Smith, '22. 

Ass't. Business Manager. 
R. P. Lawrence, '22. 



Literary Department. 
S. W. Bromley, '22. 
C. A. Buck, '22 
W. E. Chapin, '22. 
T. T. Abele, '23. 
G. E. R. Lindskog, '23. 



Art Department 
J. Kroeck, '22. 
C. A. Towne, '23 



The Aggie Squib is published six times during the college year, by the students of the Massachusetts Agricultural College, 
in the months of November, December, February, March, May and June. All business communications should be addressed 
to the Business Manager; all literary communications and drawings to the Managing Editor. Subscribers who do not receive 
copies will confer a favor by reporting the same to the Business Manager. Subscription price $2.00; single copies 3,5 cents. 
Entered at the Amherst Post-office as second class matter. 

The following men have signified their intentions to enter the competition for membership on the Squib Board: 



Editorial. 

R. F. Martin, '23. 

E. W. Burke, '23. 
M. B. Hallett, '23. 
G. H. Irish, '23. 

F. Bartaux, '24. 

E. F. Bliss," 24. 

F. Brunner, '24. 
N. MacAffee, '24. 
S. H. White, '24. 
W. Wood, '24. 



Business. 

L. Bartlett, '23. 
E. F. Lamb, '24. 
E. Bike, '24. 
H. Weatherwax, '24. 
E. Carpenter, '24. 
R. Barrows, '24. 
W. Leathe, '24. 



Art. 

W. F. Frost, '24. 

R. Noyes, '24. 

D. Macaulay, '24. 

K. Ball, '24. 

C. Toby, '24. 

R. Darling. '24. 



The Aggie Squib wishes to express its appreciation to the following contributors: 

J. H. Smith, '21. 
Emily B. Van Lennep, '21. 
Alice L. White, S.C. '21. 
Miriam Spencer, Spec. 
J. Boris, Spec. 



"4 



Sdi to rials 



IF IT'S A GOOD ONE— LET'S HAVE IT 

rOW that Squibby has gathered in enough subscriptions to keep the laughing hyenas 
j,^ off the front porch of the editorial home, the question arises, are we going to be able 
to keep the subscribers laughing so hard for the rest of the year that they'll forget about 
the two dollars we soaked 'em? 

We have the cream of the wit and humor of the student body centered in the Squib 
Board. If you don't believe it ask us — we admit it ourselves — with reservations. In fact there prob- 
ably are a number of students, both men and women, whom we have overlooked, or who got trampled 
on in the rush or something. So Squibby takes this occasion to invite those who for any reason are not 
on the board, and are humorously inclined, either in word or picture, to give us a hand, and help us 
in the job of keeping the subscribers laughing. We want your material. Send in your contributions 
and we'll do the rest. 




^ 




LOOKING AHEAD 

H! Soft pedal! a secret is about to be divulged. Squibby has developed ambition ! Is it 
catching? Well we hope so. 

Ever since the Squib was resurrected from the cedar chest and moth balls where it had 
been laid away along with many other things that war gave us no time for, we have 
aimed at one mark and that is to be recognized as a regular college non-athletic activity, as 
the Collegian, musical clubs, etc., now are. We believe the time is ripe to let Squibby's readers in on 
the secret, for on them largely depends the success of our ambitions. To realize them we must make the 
Squib a success. To do that we must have the support and co-operation of one hundred per- 
cent of the student body. We are of the opinion that this announcement will be of interest to 
every Aggie man. The Squib is, and should be, the truest expression of "Aggie" pep and life; 
"gyp", to use a popular expression, and can be made one of our biggest outside advertisers. Let's 
oo, brothers ! 



.^ 



AFTER BURLINGTON, 




O Burlington Squibby went. In fact these editorials were written on the way there. 
Quite a bunch of Aggie men were there, going by many and devious ways — but they got 
there just the same, like the "bed bug", "who has no wings at all", and we gave Vermont 
an exhibition of real "xVggie" spirit, which we hope they appreciated. 

But how about the bunch back on the campus? Were they cheering silently for the team? 

Were they on the stands at Burlington — in spirit? How about all the freshmen who didn't 

know the football captain — after the team had won three straight games? We hope they know better 

by this time. To get right down to the point — is the old time "Aggie" spirit, so prevalent in football 

seasons of former years, still with us? The Tufts game will show — "nuff sed." 



-The Squib 




Thompson: There is no harm in sleeping if 

you don't get caught. 
Prince: Look out for Bull, he's bad. 

Rand: Here's plenty of work to keep 

you out of mischief. 
Walker: You may never make a farmer 

but you will be a soldier if the major 

can have his wav. 



-S- 



V^OU can always tell a Senior, he is so sedately 
^ dressed. 
You can always tell a Junior by the way he swells 
his chest; 
You can always tell a Freshman by his timid 
looks and such; 
You can always tell a Sophomore, but you can- 
not tell him much. 



-s— 



Which Nut Will Crack First? 



— s— 

FRESHMAN IMPEDIMENTIA 

Prexy: His chief relationship to the fresh- 

men is that of alarm clock; waking 
them on Wednesday mornings. 

Lewis: Assistant to Prexy in the above 

mentioned duty. 

Pat: He reduces the bulk of the baseball 

teams. 

Parker: Pardon the classification. If you 
haven't time to do your chem, do it 
his hour. 

Machmer: If you've broken every rule in col- 
lege this prof will make you seem, 
an angel to the powers higher up. 

Peters: All he'll tell you about chem is "dig 

it out." 

Serex : Try to get him for your English prof. 

Julian: He's an Englishman bred in the 

Germany colony of Indiana. 

Gordon: If you can't learn one one-hundredth 
of what this seventh wonder of the 
world teaches, don't worry, nobody 
can. 




A One Man Rope Pull 



The Squib 




"What did you think of the incense that was burned in "Hamlet." 



'I thought it was punk." 



The Squib 



A Special Feature For All Who ARE and HAVE BEEN Freshmen 



A Freshman's Diary 

1910 

1st day at M. A. C. 

Carried suitcases all day for 
upperclassmen. Gee, but I'm 
tired! 
2nd day at M. A. C. 

Can't sit down tonight. Oh, 
what a paddling! Some scrap, 
too. 
3rd day at M. A. C. 

Thrown into the pond today for 
not jumping an obliterated nine. 
But I like the place a heap. 

1920 

1st day at M. A. C. 

Three Seniors fought to carry 
my suitcases up to the Dorm. 
Great Place ! 

2nd day at M. A. C. 

Bought note-book for my dates 
at fraternity houses today. It 
is half filled already. 

?rd day at M. A. C. 
^ Just got back from Hamp with 
the Lambda Alpha Phi bunch. 
Some life! 



How To Tell Some Of The Profs, 



Soph.O tAort *Cc. 




1st Frosh: "Got a match.'" 
2nd Frosh: "Yep. Here." 
1st Frosh: "Think I forgot 

my makings too." 

2nd Frosh: "Well, give me 

back my match then." 



Personals 

Girlish grace 
Apish Airdale 
Fussy Ford 
Busy Buick 
Jolly Joker 
Brown bag 
Vociferous voice 
Black beard 



'By their works ye shall know them." 

Name Title 

(Use cautiously) 
Maidenly modesty — Beaumont — "Monty" 



-scary scowl 
-ministerial mien 
-strong stogie 
-stunning stenog 
-pink proboscis 
-sparkling spurs 
-learned look 



— Hasbrouck —"Billy" 

—Lewis —"Lefty" 

— Machmer — "Mack." 

— Sims — "Admiral." 

-Patterson —"Pat." 

— Majaw — "Cunnel." 

— Special student (Haw! Haw!] 



F rom one who has been through 

the mill, 
R ead this, his warning little 

verse, 
E ntreating you to careful be 
S o they'll not take you, in a 

hearse, 
H ome to your distant town, back 

where 
M other and father, peaceful, 

dine, 
A nd suspect not the fate that 

waits 
N ice Frosh, who dare to "throw 
ine. 



Prof: "Where is your common 
sense located?" 

Co-Ed Freshlady: "In the 
brain." 

Prof.: "Right. Man's brain 
is larger than woman's. What 
is the result.'" 

Co-Ed Freshlady: "That 
shows that quality counts more 
than quantity." 



Come, little Freshman 
Don't you cry. 

You'll be a big, strong, hand- 
some Sophomore 
Bye and bye. 



THAT GRASS AROUND THE 
WOMAN'S BUILDING 

Alumni: "How do the Co-eds 
dress this year?" 

Frosh: "I dunno. we're not 
allowed on the grass." 

—Froth 



Prof.: "Your grade is zero.' 
'24: "Oh, that's nothing." 
— Yale Record 



REMEMBER ! ! ! 



Tke Next Issue of 



1 ne bquib 



will be tne 



Fraternity INumber 



The Squib 



Simmons Girls Make 

Hats to Fit Features 

— Newspaper Heading 

We know girls who would have "some" shaped 
hats if they were to try this. 

— s— 



DISTRESSED motorist: Do you know any- 
thing about a Ford car? 
Fresh guy: Sure, a lot of good jokes. 



-s- 



'I'M subject, sir, to fainting spells," 

* The love-sick maiden said. 
But he was dense, and cautioned her, 
"Don't fall too hard, and hurt your head." 



H 



OW much wood alcohol would Alco Hall 
haul if Alco Hall would haul wood alcohol? 



— s— 



THAT HALLOWED SPOT 

f UGUBRIOUS Lester: (climbing) 

*-^ You may think you're struggling upward 

toward the goal but you're going to Hell just the 

same. 

Sanctimonious Samuel: Why, so? 

L. L.: "The Physics Lab. is at the top of 
this hill my son." 



— s— 



? ? ? 

'HE was leaning o'er the rail 
' Looking deathly pail 

Was she looking for a whail? 

NOT AT ALL 
She was Poppa's only dotta 
Casting Bread upon the Wotta 
In a way she hadn't otta. 

THAT WAS ALL! 



— s- 



THE UNSANITARY JOKE 

1. And you drink unpasteurized milk? 

2. Well, I'd just as soon swallow an aquarium 
as a morgue. 



-S— 



WITH THE CAVALRY 

REEN Soph: What's the hardest thing 
about riding a horse? 
Sergeant: The ground, my boy. 

— s— 




'^ ' / 

THOSE SU^E. 

we-RE THE 
HATPY DAYS 



The Squib 




ENTITLED: After the War is Over; or the Pledge Pin 



— s- 



-S— 



w 



HAR do you lib Sambo? 
Down to Fishook. 
And whar am Fishook? 
Oh, jes down to de end of de line. 



-s- 



w 



IRATE student: That prof does not know a 
thing. 

Sympathetic Companion: That must be an 
awful handicap to a professor. 



-s- 



Wanted At Once! 



NigKt Watckman 

for 

Abigail Adams Hall 



Smoked Glasses and Ear 
Muffs Furnisned 



ILLIE: Can you cash a check for $25? 
Sillie: No, but thanks for the compliment. 



-s— 



ANOTHER ONE 

PIRST fisherman: I had a big one hooked 
^ the other day and he held on to the bottom 
so tight that I couldn't move him. Now 
what can a fellow do when he hooks a fish that 
acts like that? 

Second F. : I always use a copper line. AVhen 
I get a fish that acts like that I just touch the 
line to a battery, and believe me he moves. 



-s- 



/^0-ED (to Soph sitting on balcony of Wilder 
^^ Hall) Could you tell me where Wilder Hall is? 
Soph: Yes, I'm sitting on it. 



-S- 



SOPH ( to Frosh) : Why don't you jump that 
nine? 
Frosh: I'm on probation and can't indulge 
in Freshman activities. 



The Squib 



BACK TO THE LAND 

or Bertha's Boy Brick-Top 



^■j^^ERTHA had soulful eyes. The soulfulness of her eyes was surpassed only by the compre- 

M ^9 hensiveness of her pedal extremities, and the rich, orange-red coloration of her hair, which 

M^^m ^^^ coiled gracefully in the familiar "doughnut" or "cipher" style on top of her shapely 

^~^^m head. In her native Pittsburg beanery, she had had innumerable opportunities to meet 

^^1^^^ the young gentlemen of her set, but somehow or other she was not "putting herself across," 

no matter how bewitchingly she flipped the pie across the counter. 

Feeling the urge common to young women of beauty and brains, she determined to go to the 
country and turn loose her fascinations on the innocent rustic youth, untarnished by the ways of the 
tawdry city. Searching the map diligently she hit upon a little onion and college town in western 
Massachusetts, which seemed ideal for her designs. She soon accepted a position in the local ham-and- 
eggs dispensary and was ready for decisive action. 

The gods favored Bertha from the start. Her first customer was a likely looking individual 
with brick-red hair, which seemed a favorable omen. In fact he showed a timidity which was most 
reassuring to Bertha, who of course attributed it to the potency of her coy allurements, with which 
she had gotten into action at the moment of his appearance. Grasping a skillet with the thumb and 
forefinger of the left hand, she delicately scracched the lobe of her right ear with her little finger. 
This little trick, which she had used only on special occasions, she had learned from a more successful 
co-worker in the Pittsburg beanery. The efl^ect was more than gratifying. It was evident from the 
color and expression of his face that he was struggling with a strong emotion. Heartened by the 
evidence of a rapidly dawning love, Bertha smiled encouragingly and was just about to repeat the 
performance with the skillet, when something told her to stop. Beginning with a gurgling of in- 
coherent sounds, her victim stammered forth words which informed her of success beyond her wildest 
dreams. Falling on hi.-i neck with a cloudburst of pent-up emotions, she was about to clinch the bar- 
gain, when, to her amazement and horror, he broke frantically from her grasp and rushed for the door, 
but not before she saw between his shoulders the sign INITIATED. 




As we IhmK we are 




"TVs we 2^re 



The Squib 



CANDIDATE TirPLES 1>IGNITY OP 
"BEA-RlNCr AND T>'RESS ImTTCESSED 
HOSTS or voTE'RS "THIS Paul 



(note. AvOETJ ATTEnTiOivJ) 




^UT IF THE VOTE'RS HA"D OMLySEEiV 

CArJPlPATE TIPFUH L-AST SUiMMe-R 
IMA^ATHIIsIO SUIT 3ACK TO I 




>\1^5>vrer 



Dissertations Upon Familiar Subjects 



by Professor Ebonytop 



THE LEAGUE OF NATIONS 

^^k. Pedis Magna Ebonytop, Professor of Nonsense and other political science, do this day 

^m admit myself guilty of favoring the original covenant of the League of Nations. I heartily 

^^ ^M detest the principles of those principleless Americans who think only of the good of their 

^^^^ country. I loathe the nam.es of such men as Johnson and Borah, who have blurred the 

holy name of politics by crudely stating in open language what they believed. Let me 

present to my learned readers the real reasons why this league is superior to The Holy Alliance, The 

Tammanj^ Ring and all other works of idealists of the past. 

To start with, war is a blessing, a necessity, and the backbone of our civilization. This was 
conclusively proved by General Von Limburger in his great novel in which he foretold how Germany 
was going to whip the world. Without ignorance in the world there would be no need of professors, 
and without war in the world there would be no need of heroes. Without professors or heroes where 
would the world be? As Mr. Rand is quoted to have said, "When war kicks the bucket, heroism 
shoots the coop." Therefore, let us have war. 

Now, Lithuania, Poland, Montenegro, Dalmatia, etc., are spirited, progressive nations, fighting 
all the time, but they lack men, money, and munitions. The means of war are all held by the United 
States and other such sluggish nations, which don't like to fight unless they have something to fight 
about. Here then is the purpose of the League of Nations. It will connect the supply of munitions 
with the demand, a sort of middleman as it were. 

Under the League of Nations, Albania can say to Uncle Sam, "Help! Montenegro is picking 
on me," and Uncle Sam will have to help Albania. Montenegro can ring up South America and 



The Squib 



holler over, "Halp! Albania has invaded me," and South America will have to lend a hand to Monte- 
negro. Then the United States and South America can furnish a peach of a scrap, a regular Roister 
Doister performance, over whether Albania or Montenegro was to blame for the war. All the bank- 
rupt nations can then come in on whichever side they think will win the indemnity. 

So you see, my pretty reader, that the league will help cause wars. Therefore it will help 
make heroes. Therefore it will help the world. 

Don't just follow the advice of others on this great question. Think for yourself. 

President Butterfield, Pat, and myself all believe in the League of Nations. Go you and do 
likewise. 



JUNIOR; "Do you still use a daily schedule 
of work hours. Bill?" 
Soph: "Nope. I planned for twenty-four 
hours work every day and then had thirteen 
hours work left over that I couldn't find a place 
for so I had to give up the schedule." 



H 



— S— 

"ALL TOGETHER" 

E was kinder bashful 
She was not so shy 
They were out together, 
'Neath the starry, sky. 



She leaned kinder close like, 

(You know how they'll do) 

Thoughts of home and mother 
Ran his bosom through. 

But his instinct saved him 
Though his brow was damp. 
Now he spends four evenings 
Every week in Hamp. 

— s— 

LITTLE grains of powder 
Little dabs of paint 
Makes a girl's complexion 
Look like what it ain't. 

The Eastonia. 

— s— 

INDIGNANT young man just leaving a busi- 
ness office: "De nerve o'dat guy — offerin' 
me twenty dollars a week! What does he tink 
I am anyway — a College Gradiate.'^" 

— s— 

Soph: "What'll we do.^" 

Senior: "I'll spin a coin. If it's heads we go 
to movies; if it's tails, we go to the dance, and if 
it stands on edge, we'll study." 

— Brown Jug 



— s— 

SONNET TO LEGISLATURE 
/^H, remote body of most learned men, 
^^ Assembled there in state on Beacon Hill, 
Before you more of Prexy's day dreams kill. 
List to the murm'rings of a student's pen ! 
Remember how you smiled on us, back when 
We hstened to the "bull" you had to spill. 
The promises you made us, tingle still 
In our poor trusting souls. So Come Nou: Then'. 
What means this paltry stable which you've sent.' 
(The air around dear Prexy's desk is blue ) 
We'll soon be having cheni class in a tent 
And rooming our young Frosh out in the dew. 
Although the barn (I hope this makes a dent!) 
Will hold a bale of hay for each of you ! 

— S— 

NEEDED A BATH.? 
LJORTICULTURE: Prof, passes out some 
* •*■ sample bulbs to the students for them to 
grow. 

1st Stewd: "Do we start growing these 
right away. Prof?" 

2nd Stewd: "No, wait till you get home." 

— s— 



1 o Increase I our 
Allowance 

Send Home 
A CoJ)y of the Aggie Squib 

FRATERNITY NUMBER OUT 
IN DECEMBER 




Prof: "When you examine a dog's lungs under 
the microscope, what do you find?" 

Pre-Med: "The seat of his pants, I suppose." 



Lover: "My love is the kind that lives!" 
Girl: "Yes, but it lives in an apartment house 
and I want a bungalow. 

— Yale Record 

— s— 

LETTUCE PRAY 

Diner: "I would like a couple of dollars' 
worth of food." 

Waiter: (sarcastically): You said a mouthful. 

— Pitt Panther 

— s— 

"Did she blush when you held her in your 
arms?" 

"No but she faded about three layers." 

—Froth 
— S— 

SO THIS IS HANOVER! 

She: "The very air up here breathes romance." 
He: "No, dear, that's some of the boys who 
just got back from Montreal!" 

— J ack-o' -Lantern 



Pelican 



BILL— Revised) 

Well, there was an old man named Bill 
And, he lived on the top of a hill, 
And, he has been sober, since last October 
And, it looks like he alv/ays will. 

— Froth 



IN OLE KENTUCKY 

"My father was killed in a feud." 

"I never would ride in one of those cheap cars.' 



Widow 



— S- 



"Do you serve lobsters here?" 

"Yes, we serve anybody; sit down sir." 



— Medley 



-S- 



If a fellow tries to kiss a woman and gets away 
with it, he's a man; if he tries to kiss her and 
doesn't get away with it, he's a brute; if he doesn't 
try to kiss her but would get away with it if he 
tried, he's a coward and if he doesn't try to 
kiss her and wouldn't if he did, he's a wise man. 



Dirge 



-s— 



He: "Did your watch stop when you dropped 
it on the floor last night?" 

Him: "Sure. Did you think it would go 
through?" 

Sun Dial 



The Squib 



1922 : "Is that 1920 fellow making any money 
now?" 

1921: "Well, he's superintendent of a laun- 
dry and they tell me that he is cleaning up quite 
a bit." 

— s— 

SOME CLOSE RACES 

An Englishman, Scotchman and Irishman 
were indulging in reminiscences of sporting 
occasions. 

"The closest race I ever saw was a yacht race," 
deposed the Englishman "in which one of the 
boats that had been recently painted won by the 
breadth of the coat of paint." 

"The closest race I ever saw," declared the 
Scotchman, "was one in which a horse, stung 
by a bee, won by the height of the swelling on his 
nose." 

"The closest race I ever saw" said the Irish- 
man, "is the Scotch." 

Philadelphia Ledger 

— s— 

PRIVATE ! 

"What part of the town do you live in?" 

"I live in the petticoats." 

" Where?" 

"Just inside the outskirts." 

— s— 

JA OUI. 

Yo hablo espanol, 
Ich spreche deutsche, 
Je parle francais,^ 
Je hablo keinen much. 

— s— 

THAT THAT 

"Teacher said that that that that that girl 
used was superfluous." 

"Here's the first pupil for my stammering- 
school, " said the business man as he introduced 
himself. 

— s— 

A BRICK A DAY; LESS TIME, MORE PAY 

It seems to be more of a ceremony to lay 
a brick on the Memorial Building than it was 
to lay the Corner Stone. 



WITH RESPECTS TO THE WALRUS 

(Who never had a dry feeling) 

"The time has come," the walrus said, 
"To talk of other things. 
Of Bevo-balls, of one per-cents. 
Birch beer and water wings." 

"The time has come," poor hubby thinks, 
"To seek a land afar. 
Where good bock beer, and hot old Scotch 
Still shine behind the bar." 

"The time has come," dear wifey smiles; 
"My John will have more dough. 
And through his pockets one by one. 
On Sunday morn I'll go." 

"The time had come," the Prohib. shouts. 

To hurl my blasting bans 

On dancing girls, on hobble skirts, 

On smokes and baseball fans." 

— s— 

A PRACTICAL COURSE 

"When do the students seem to get the 
most out of orcharding?" 
Prof. Waugh: "At night." 

— s— 




HOW ABOUT &AWi«(j soi^e Wood? 



The Squib 



JUST ONE PUFF 

If it's love that makes the world go round" 
the election cigars must be soaked in the stuff 
for they certainly make the world spin. 

— s— 



He- 

eat. 
She 



COST— TEN BUCKS 

(admiringly) : You are sweet enough to 



T do eat." 



Ex. 



-S- 



THE BURNING QUESTION 

WILLY: Smithers seems to be having a 
heated argument with the landlord. 
Nilly: Yes he is trying to get him to put in a 
little coal in the furnace. 



-s- 




GET IN LINE FOR THE 
r raternity Number 

of tke 

oquiD 
OUT IN DECEMBER 



TO A FOOTBALL 

(After the Game.) 

Oh thou for whom I've fiercely fought, 

And nearly given my life, 
And counted bumps and bruises nought 

In raging, surging strife, 

I love thee! 

I love your feel beneath my arm,, 

Your leather skin to me 
Is fairer than the powdered charm 

Of ladies' vanity — 

You're lovely! 

Oh how we struggled bravely on 

To bring you up the field. 
And battered opposition down 

To never weary, yield 

Or lose thee. 

But now with sweetest victory won. 

Though scarred and soiled with smears, 

You'll bear the "M"— your duty done, 
And rest throughout the years 
In glory ! 



-S- 



Chawley: "The American Civic Association 
is right about the removal of bill boards." 

Jawney: "Yes, they always remind me of 
my board bill. 

— s— 

FOR SALE 

Guaranteed Herbariums. 

At least two men have passed botany on every 
set we list. 

Apply, "The College Store" 



-s- 



HIGHLY COLORED LOVE 

When on his breast he saw the stain, 
He reproved with a tone of pique: 
"I'm sorry, dear- to speak so plain, 
But I must say you've too much cheek!" 



KNOX HATS 

^/^VERY Knox Hat is guaranteed by 
Tl^ the Knox Trademark it bears — 
guaranteed to render the longest and 
best service that any hat can give. 
If by any chance a Knox Hat does 
not Hve up to its guarantee it will 
be replaced by another. 






Thomas F. Walsh 



COLLEGE OUTFITTER 



An Orchestra 
with 
''PEP'' 




For engagements, call: 
M. M. Smith, Phi Sigma Kappa House 



or 



C. Dunbar — Sigma Phi Epsilon House 



Jack: "I don't think I should get a zero on 
this exam." 

Prof.: "Correct, but that's the lowest 

I know of." 

—Froth 



OFTEN HAPPENS 

"So you have met my son at college, eh?" 
"Yes, we slept in the same philosophy class." 

— Burr 



BRIEF HUMOR 

Englishman (arguing that England beats Am- 
erica) : "Take for instance, aw — the flawg caw- 
ptured at the Battle of Bunker 'ill. We hawve the 
flawg cawptued at the Bawtel of Bunkeh 'ill." 

Young American: "Look what we got. We 
got the Hill." 

— Awgwan 



CARL SCHY 



TAILOR 



Not only the best but the most 
reasonable for pressing and repair work. 



THE DAVENPORT 

The haven for 

House-party Guests; 
Class, and Fraternity Banquets 

MRS. J. K. W. DAVENPORT 
Phone 440 



Printing - Ruling - Binding 



"The Kind Worth While" 



EXCELSIOR PRINTING CO. 



Phone 59 



North Adams, Mass. 



Have you ever had occasion, 
To lay in a stock of raisin, 
And you laugh and sing amazin' 

All day long. 
And you work and slave for weeks, 
And your still is full of leaks 
And your kettle fairly speaks 

With joyful song? 

Then at last your brew is done. 
And you think of all the fun 
That you'll have with "little one" 

You know so well. 
And you bring your suitcase loaded. 
Find the buckles all corroded 
Then you see they've all exploded, 

Ain't it hell? 



-Froth 



"Did Gwendolyn get many wedding presents?' 
"Yes, she always does." 

— Gargoyle 



The Draper Hotel 

Northampton, Mass. 
THE HOTEL OF BANQUETS 

We Cater to Football, Baseball & Basket- 
Ball Teams 

Also to — 

Class Banquets, of w^hich we have made 
such a Great Success — Come Again. 

WM. M. KIMBALL, PROP. 





ow Large is an Atom? 



'ATOMS are so infinitesimal that to be seen under the most power- 
MjL ful microscope one hundred million must be grouped. The atom 
used to be the smallest indivisible unit of matter. When the X-Rays 
and radium were discovered physicists found that they were dealing 
with smaller things than atoms — with particles they call "electrons." 

Atoms are built up of electrons, just as the solar system is built up 
of sun and planets. Magnify the hydrogen atom, says Sir Oliver 
Lodge, to the size of a cathedral, and an electron, in comparison, will 
be no bigger than a bird-shot. 

Not much substantial progress can be made in chemical and elec- 
trical industries unless the action of electrons is studied. For that 
reason the chemists and physicists in the Research Laboratories of the 
General Electric Company are as much concerned with the very con- 
stitution of matter as they are with the development of new inven- 
tions. They use the X-Ray tube as if it were a machine-gun ; for by 
its means electrons are shot at targets in new ways so as to reveal more 
about the structure of matter. 

As the result of such experiments, the X-Ray tube has been greatly 
improved and the vacuum tube, now so indispensable in radio com- 
munication, has been developed into a kind of trigger device for guid- 
ing electrons by radio waves. 

Years may thus be spent in what seems to be merely a purely 
"theoretical" investigation. Yet nothing is so practical as a good 
theory. The whole structure of modern mechanical engineering is 
reared on Newton's laws of gravitation and motion — theories stated 
in the form of immutable propositions. 

In the past the theories that resulted from purely scientific re- 
search usually came from the university laboratories, whereupon the 
industries applied them. The Research Laboratories of the General 
Electric Company conceive it as part of their task to explore the un- 
known in the same spirit, even though there may be no immediate 
commercial goal in view. Sooner or later the world profits by such 
research in pure science. Wireless communication, for example, was 
accomplished largely as the result of Herz's brilliant series of purely 
scientific experiments demonstrating the existence of wireless waves. 




General Office 



Schenectady, N.Y. 



9S-S6I U 




/ 




This is the first one! 



Subscribe for the rest of ^em! 






\ 






\. 



% 




//:_ 



/ -2/ 




Aacic 




nv"Ue\,?^ 



rRATKRNITY NVNKR 



The Speaker (relating story) : "And then the 
artist drew a gun." 

The Audience (breathlessly): "And then what 
followed?" 

The Speaker: "The rest of the picture." 

— Panther 



AT THE COTILLION 

Mat: "Does my dress suit fit.''" 
Kat: "Just as if it were vour own." 



— Chaparral 



Prof.: "Is Jones ill?" 
Frosh: "Yes, sir." 
Prof.: "How do you know?" 
Frosh: "Last night I heard someone tell him 
to lean over and take his medicine." 

— Banter 



RATTLING ALONG 

Teacher: "Define trickle." 
Boy: "To run slowly." 
Teacher: "Define anecdote." 
Boy: "A short funny tale." 
Teacher: "Use both words in a sentence." 
Boy: "The dog trickled down the street with 
a can tied to his anecdote." 

■ — Widow 



KODAKS 



VICTOR RECORDS 



DEUEL'S DRUG 
STORE 



FOUNTAIN PENS 



PIPES 



ARTHUR P. WOOD 



JEWELER 
The Jewel Shop 



197 Main St., 



Northampton 



TWO TICKETS, PLEASE 

He: "Do you believe in free love?" 
She: "No. Take me to a movie first." 

— Frivol 



I've been trying to think of a word for two 
weeks. 

How about "fortnight." 

— Dirge 



He: "Come on, let's slip into the vernacular." 
She: "Think anybody will see us?" 

— Purple Cow 



The College Store 

Run by Aggie Men 



PIPES 
SUPPLIES 



CANDIES 
SODA 



On the Campus 



Electric Contractor 


Paper City Kngraving Co. 


We do electric wiring. Repair work 


We are the engravers for 


in Fraternity Houses give prompt at- 


THE AGGIE SQUIB 


tention 


■ 


Student's Lamps 
Appliances 


Our work, speaks for itself 




Radcliffe Bldg. 


Phone 160-C. H. Rumery-Pleasant St. 


Phone 700 Holyoke, Mass. 


CHEEK IS CHEEK 

I love your eyes, 

I love your lips, 
I love the gentle way you speak. 

But when you say: 

"Come kiss me, dear," 
Oh, lady, then I love your cheek. 


Hart Shaffner & Marx 
Clothes 

* 


— Swn Dial 


SHIRTS TIES 




College Outfitter 


SCANTY 


COLLARS HATS 


"What did you give your girl for Christmas.'*" 
"She is fond of swimming, so I sent a bathing 

suit." 

"Was she surprised when she got it.^" 

"You have no idea how surprised she was when 

she opened the envelope." 

— Pelican 


F. M. THOMPSON & SON 

■ 



The United States Hotel 

BOSTON, MASS 

European Plan $1.50 a day and up- 
wards 



Tilly Haynes 
Prop. 



James C. Hickey 
Mgr. 



ACADEMY OF MUSIC 



Northampton 



The Latest Road and 
Photoplay Attractions 



Main Street 



WHAT CHA MEAN BORED? 

Hostess: "My dear, you do look bored. I 
do hope you aren't concealing the fact that you 
find it dull." 

Artless Guest: "Oh no. Quite the contrary." 

— Judge 



Dick: "Diogenes had the dope." 
Martha: "Yes?" 

Dick: "He never even tried to find an honest 
woman." 

— Princeton Tiger 



OBVIOUSLY 

"Sampson ought to have made a good actor." 
"^^hy so?" 

"Why, the first time he appeared in public 
he brought down the house." 

— Purple Cow 



'22 
'23 

'22 



"Do you know that girl?" 
"I m_et her when she was withachaperone." 
"You don't know her!" 

— Cornell Widow 



HOTEL NONOTUCK 

Holyoke, Mass. 

Fireproof — Roof Garden — European 

A most desirable stopping place for 
business men and tourists. 

Dancing in the Main Restaurant every 
evening, except Sunday, from 7.30 to 
11.30. 



Special concert every Sunday from 
12.30 to 2.30 and 6.30 to 10.30. 



HEAD OVER HEELS 

by Wex Jones 

The old-fashioned maiden was bashful, 

And prattled of prisms and prunes; 
Her frock was flounce -full and sash-full, 

And she danced but to decorous tunes; 
And remarks that were certain to rankle 

Were made by the hard-boiled old eggs, 
Should the swish of a skirt show an ankle- 

For no lady admitted to legs! 



The skirt of today is but slinky 

And just about starts when it stops; 
In fact, it's so awfully dinky 

It proclaims its fair wearer has props. 
Yet don't cry that her manners are shocking. 

Or that modesty died yester year — 
She may give you a glimpse of her stocking, 

But will never display a nude ear\ 

— Judge 



SING LEE 

FIRST CLASS LAUNDRY 

Prompt Service 
AMHERST 



Way Kupp: "What is the fastest man on 
record?" 

Leigh Down: "The one who turns out the 
light, undresses and is in bed before the room gets 
dark." 

— Sun Dial 



A CHILD'S QUERY 

Gossip: Blank died at eighty^ — a childless 
bachelor. 

Fatuous: "Dear me! Didn't he have any 
grandchildren either.''" 

— Judge 



WELL DONE 

"Maybelle certainly has wonderful presence 
of mind." 

"Well, she got away with some pretty good 
ones of mine, too." 

— Chaparral 



The Hotel Worthy 

of 
SPRINGFIELD 

The Best Place For 

DINNER PARTIES AND 
BANQUETS 

Corner Main and Worthington 




STETSON 

E^OR any hat that you can wear at all, 
■'■ you will pay nearly the same price as 
for a Stetson. Never was it better worth 
while to get Stetson Quality and Stetson 



JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY 
Philadelphia 



E. F. CARLSON CO. 



CONTRACTORS 



ALUMNI MEMORIAL BUILDING 
GIRLS' DORMITORY BUILDING 



CAVALRY HORSE BARN 



244 Main St. 



SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 



Slon^ yj^ars ^90^ tul^^n m^n Itu^Ji mtlli 

iEaciif in Ifis ouin l»ark li^n, 
An& arm^^ ilfmsirlf mxii} rlub anli ston^^ 

gating i|t0 f^Uniu mien; 

C^nt^r^ti all in s^lf, 
l[n footi for S0lf, tn mat^a anii ftglits, 
S^lf^n, on Boxne hint bI^M 

Was I|[tJi, JTrat^rnttijI 

2int nom, uily^n m^n ar^ u^rg tam^, 

ffitutng In pleasant tuBt^ 
Anh smile and fok^ iiil]r^n^^^r tlf^u m^iet^ 

^^ntl^ as ynn pl^as^; 
Mlf^n nt^n ran liu^ tn lyarmong, 

An5 f tgl^t tuttlf tongnr^s alonr^, 
Anb if^ljJ a f rt^nli tn nitn a mat^— 

^oui tn p^ac^ I|aa grninn 

Anil blnnm^lt, 3ITrat^rntti|! 



Literary Editor. 
B. F. Jackson, '22. 

Art Editor. 

F. S. Fletclier, '21. 

Exchange Editor 

G. E. Wliite, '22 



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QUID AGIS AGE, AGGIE 



Editor-in-Chief. 
M. F. Webster, 21. 

Managing Editor 
C. R. Vinten, '22 



^ 



Business Manager. 
M. M. Smith, '22. 

Ass't. Business Manager 
R. P. Lawrence, '22. 

Circulation Manager 
H. E. Weatherwax '24 



Literary Department. 
S. W. Bromley, '22. 
C. A. Buck, '22 
W. E. Chapin, '22. 
K. C. Randall. '22 
T. T. Abele, '23. 

E. W. Burke, '23 

F. Brunner, '24 



Art Department 
J. Kroeck, '22. 
C. A. Towne, '23 
J. H. Smith, '21 
Emily B. Van Lennep '21 



The Aggie Squib is published six times during the college year, by the students of the Massachusetts Agricultural College, 
in the months of November, December, February, March, May and June. All business communications should be addressed 
to the Business Manager; all literary communications and drawings to the Managing Editor. Subscribers who do not receive 
copies will confer a favor by reporting the same to the Circulation Manager. Subscription price $2.00; single copies 35 cents. 
Entered at the Amherst Post-office as second class matter. 



SUBSCRIBERS 
Any changes of address of subscribers should be reported to the Circulation Manager, 
copies are requested to notify him at once so that proper delivery can be made. 



Those not receiving 



YES IT IS 

No. 1: from Hester Street: "Sa5^ Abie, vy 
don't you pull down the vindows when you 
luv yore vife.^" 

No. 2: from Hester Street: "Vat.?" 

No. 1 : "I say vy don't you pull down the 
vindow shade ven you luv yore vife.? I saw you 
last night." 

No. 2: "Ah, de joke's on you; I vusn't home 
last night." 

— &un Dodger 



NATURALLY SO 
HE: "Was she shy when you asked her age.'*" 
Him: "Yes, about ten years." 

—Froth 

— S— 

"THEY say that a single oyster will lay from 
one to eight million eggs per year." 
"Gosh! Think of the married ones!" 

— Gargoyle 






Sdiforials 



FRATERNITIES AND THE COLLEGE 

HAT no one can reap without sowing should be a well known fact, and yet even in col- 

^^ M leges there are those who slip up. They forget that no one can get out of college more 

^ ^m than he puts into it. They forget the logical sequence, college first, class second, fra- 

^l^r ternity third and the individual last. They put the cart before the horse and then blame 

the livery stable for giving them a poor rig. 

No one would expect to get a cow into a dog house. Neither is there room in a college 
for a class or fraternity bigger than the college. Those who place fraternity before college forget that 
no part can be greater than the whole, and that the fraternity's growth depends on the growth of the 
college. Those who put fraternity before college are not representative of the fraternities of this cam- 
pus. They are generally the ones who neglect Monday night meetings to go to Hamp. 

The fraternities should stress scholarship first, for upon it a man's future success largely depends, 
and a college's worst advertisement is the graduate who has to dig ditches for a living. 

The fraternities should stress athletic and non-athletic activities for these advertise the col- 
lege and teach those participating to know men and to overcome obstacles. 

It is necessary for the fraternities to have rushing seasons sufficiently long for the young stock 
to get acquainted. Such rushing seasons as the last, however, tend to defeat their own ends by tak- 
ing the time of Freshmen and upper-classmen alike from their studies and activities, injuring those 
they seek to help. 

For the good of Old Aggie, for the good of the best class on the campus, for the good of the 
fraternities themselves and for the good of Tom, Dick, and Harry our rushing season next year must 
be less strenuous. Let's back the Interfraternity conference. 



^ 



BULLFESTING 

m ^^ AVE you ever approached a closed door with some timidity and entered to find a group 
L-^^ of upper classmen, preferably Seniors, engaged in the most popular of indoor pastimes 
^^^^^^ — bullfesting.^ They were in all probability discussing pro and con, with all serious- 
^m ^ ness, as to whether a fish ever indulges in philosophical reactions. Such a subject 

^^ demands the intellect of an upper classman. With three years of browsing in intel- 

lectual pastures, in constant association with the divine inspiration of their fellows, 
these embryonic disciples of Plato and Demosthenes now revel with perfect freedom in a halo of lofty 
subjects. 

Far be it from Squibby to poke even the most gentle fun at this ripple in the fount of learning. 
We fully realize that bullfesting, a direct product of the intimacies of fraternity life, has a true value 
in the stimulation of the mental processes and is a step not to be overlooked in the making of men 



The Squib 



HOUSE-DANCE TRAGEDY 

Yes, there stood buzzing like an angry bee, 
Young Johnj'^ Social Light of M A C. 
His eyes were flashing and in his hand. 
Was gripped a letter of the female brand. 
'Twas on pink paper and oh so dear and sweet, 
Its cooing accents they were most elite. 
Said she, "I cannot come tomorrow night 
To your gay dance— I wish I might" 
And while he stamped around and tore his hair. 
Along did come a friend named Bobby Blair 
"I'll get a woman for you John," he said, 
And John contented quite did hike for bed. 
But Bobby then did have an awful time, 
Four different girls he talked with on the line. 
Excuses from their lips quite drove him mad 
And when the last accepted he was glad. 
Xow John did sally forth in gay array. 
To meet this queen from Smith on the big day. 
With eager face he waited for the car 
But when it came he had an awful jar, 
For John was small, he stood but five feet high 
And she did seem to reach the very sky. 



ALSO THEIR NEW ONES 

I ITTLE Bobby: "What are fraternities?" 
*-^ Big Paul: "Bunches of fellows who live 
together like brothers." 

Little Bobby: "Oh, I see, they pass down 
their old clothes among each other." 



— S- 



'24: "Why is the chorus of that show so popular 

with our men.f*" 

'21: "Why! it outstrips 'em all, old man!" 



— S— 

played a game of cards one night 

x\nd cleaned up every cent. 
I shot some craps the following day. 
That's where the money went. 

— S— 



1 



WISITOR: "Why do you let your basket- 
^ ball floor get so full of splinters.^" 
Player: "To teach the men to keep on their 
feet." 



I 



ABOUT THE CAMPUS 

galloped, you galloped, we galloped all three, 
My steed's destination was unknown to me. 



— S— 



ALL those solving the following puzzle will 
have their names published in the Agri- 
cultural Number of the Squib. 

FIND A POPULAR NEW ENGLAND FRUIT. 



BOSTON 

BERLIN 

BEAVER 

BRANDY 

BRUISE 



— S— 



^^OLONEL Walker's suggestion of naming 
^"^ the cavalry horses after the popular 
members of the faculty is being adopted with 
enthusiasm by the members of the battalion 
and the co-eds. In addition to the Colonel's own 
horse "Prexy" Dean Lewis, "Bull" Prince, "Doc" 
Peters, "Frankie" Moore, and "Kid" Gore 
are beginning to answer to their names. Sopho- 
mores are looking for a horse that cannot be 
ridden and cannot be bluffed, whom they can 
appropriately call "Billy". 



The Squib 



\\\! \^ I 












'71 



The $3,500 Job for College Prof. 



M 



ARY Jane is long and lean, 

Built to prop the trailing bean. 
Sister Anne is short and fat, 
Quite a sight to marvel at. 
Fair maidens both, their tale is sad, 
They lost their hearts to a collar ad. 

— S— 



"' I ^HERE'S something strange about this shoot- 
* ing business." 

"Wha's 'at.!"' 

"Why, the more bulls a shooter makes, 
the better he is." 



NO WORRY 

\X7lFE : Why don't you go and look for 
■ '' work.^ What will you do when the wolf 
comes to the door.^* 

Hubby: Let him in so we'll have a fur coat 
in the family. 



— S— 

¥JR0F: "What are the two leading crops 
* in the Connecticut Valley.'^" 

Stude (just back from across the river) : 
"Chickens and peaches." 

— S— 

TRADITIONS 

STUDE: "Have you heard the news.?" 
Prune: "Sure. The Chem. Lab is going 
to be replaced. Why look so gloomy about it.?" 
Stude: "Why, for one hundred and fifty 
years, Aggie men have been kicking about the 
Chem. Lab. and now ours will be the last to 
follow the tradition." 

— S— 

THEY HAVE, YOU KNOW. 

' I 'WO sophomores casually remarked the other 
* day that they (the sophomore class) had 
Doc. Cance "buffaloed." .... 

— S— 

STUDE (translating French): "For the first 
time in her life she dressed like a croquette." 
Weary Prof.: "Indeed! And that made her 
a chicken I suppose.?" 



The Squib 



H 



AD Tennyson a flivver owned, 

Break, break" he'd never written, 
But, when with blow-outs he was smitten, 
I sadly fear he would have groaned: 



"Bump, bump, bump, 

On thy flat, old tires, O, Ford! 

And I fear that the curses I utter 

Have put me in dutch with the Lord!" 

— S— 

SPEAKER: "And let me tell you girls, 
statistics show that the best "catch" is not 
in the big colleges such as Harvard, or Yale, 
or Princeton; the majority of the best men are 
to be found in the small colleges such as your 
own "-M. A. C." 

Voice from the left of the Auditorium: "Re- 
peat that remark when you visit Smith, Roger." 



TEX TRIED AND TRUE RECIPES FOR 
A SOBER SUMMER 

Dissolve two aspirin tablets in a bottle of Bevo. 
In this, boil one or more bar-mops (Depending on 
their tensile strength). Serve cold. Float sprigs 
of mint in glasses. 

Filter slowlj^ one bottle of Ed. Pinaud's through 
loaf of rye bread. Add a liberal portion of cay- 
enne pepper and a handful of seedy raisins. Mix 
in an electric cocktail shaker. Allow it to stand 
in a very dark place. The longer it stands there, 
the better it will be (for you). 

Pour the contents of a bottle of Sloan's Lini- 
ment in a punch bowl. Add a pint of vanilla, 
two or three quinine tablets an da dash of mustard. 
Stir in slowly a bottle of Glover's Mange cure. 
This makes an excellent light punch. Liquid 
Veneer may be added for coloring a healthy pink. 

Large bottle of Bromo Seltzer added to a box 
of '■20 Mule Team with LePage's Glue to give 
body to it, will make an excellent wine for family 
dinners. 

—Froth 

— S— 



DISSERTATIONS UPON FAMIUAR SUBJECTS 

BY 

PROF. EBOXYTOP 
NO. II 
M. A. C. APPROPRIATIONS 

^^^^^ OR decades the sovereign people of this commonwealth have sweltered under enor- 

^M^^ mous taxes, for years politicians have been getting seconds on the pork barrel, yet the 

^^^^ most flagrant extravagance, the most reckless scattering of the pennies of the popu- 

^^v lace has not yet even been touched, I refer to the annual appropriation for M. A. C. 

^^ I kick at this expenditure because the professors are paid far too high, and because 

the need of hayseeds will soon largely disappear. 

When the state employs a teacher it employs only his scientific ability. This is a fact that 
even Darwin would not deny. When I employ Tony Macoroni to take care of my lawn, I employ 
both his scientific knowledge and his manual labor. Therefore Tony should be paid twice as much as 
a prof, of equal ability. 

Whj^, moreover, should the state pay for the education of pumpkin seeds any more than of 
plumbers, coal heavers, and street cleaners? Farmers are far less important. In fact I look forward 
to seeing at an early date a country without farmers, and the sooner it comes, the better it will be for 
us. It has long been understood that typhoid and other dread diseases are spread from milk squeezed 
from cows. The time is fast passing when cultivated people will eat vegetables coming from soil 
fertilized with the unspeakable, fruits sprayed with deadly poisons, and meat from innocent beasts. 
Such practices are relics of the barbarous past. My milk comes not from unsanitary cows, but from 
the town's best milkman. My fruits, meats and vegetables all come from the White Front Market. 
Soon all will do the same and the need of the farmer will have largely passed away. 

Because Aggie professors are greatly overpaid, and because the need of farmers is fast passing 
away, we must decimate the M. A. C. appropriation bill. 



The Squib 



'TWAS EVER THUS 

'HERE was a ship that sailed the sea 

Of books and pens and paper, 
The chart said straight, She turned too late, 
The C. V. cut a caper. 

The boat was staunch in high school days. 

So all the town's folk said, 

There Johnny did his work betimes 

And hied himself to bed. 



But when he joined the merry crew. 
Of college mates, my hearties. 
He set aside his own good ship 
For rides in rushing parties. 

4 
So Johnny's ship, as now you've guessed. 
The 'Scholarship' by name. 
Was wrecked upon the rocks of frats. 
That life was all but tame. 



Yes^ — Johnny bade his mates farewell. 
His college days were over, 
The C. V. took him to his home. 
Flunked out, oh yes, and sober. 

— S— 

'T'ENANT (Sarcastically): "Say, what's the 
^ the matter with the heating system here 
anyway .f* Ain't it about time to put on another 
teaspoonful of coal.^" 

Janitor (just as sarcastically) : "Well, if you'd 
go down and talk into the heater like that for 
about ten minutes, we'd have enough heat to 
last a week." 

— S— 

R. X. "I think that young lady with Charles 
is very immodestly dressed." 
Mrs. X. : "You don't have to look at her then." 
Mr. X.: "I don't, eh.?" 

— S— 

NOTHING WRONG 

DO you see those two men studying that 
chart.?" 
"Certainly." 

"I happen to know that they are planning 
a crooked piece of work. 
"Surely not." 

"Yes, they are two engineers mapping out 
a scenic railway." 

— Webster Times 




M 



THE SHORE LINE 

SHE: "It's getting rather warm isn't it, 
Eddie.?" 
He: "Well, rawther." 

She: "Yes, the sun's fearfully hot; that's why 
I have so much over me." 

He: "Well, I hadn't noticed it." 

— S— 

AN auto passes an Aggie man walking to Med- 
ford." 
Aggie man: "Hey, goin' to Worcester.?" 
Autoist slows down. Aggie man gives chase. 
Autoist (sarcastically): "Yes, I suppose 
you're one of those classic hicks goin' home for 
Christmas." 

Aggie man (quietly) : "No, I just wanted to 
tell you to keep agoin', you're on the right road." 

— S— 
ANOTHER AGGIE ADVANTAGE 
15 UD: "I had a bad attack of heart failure 
*-^ during vacation but I came back to college 
just the same. 

Blossom: "That's lovely. You wont have 
to go so far for treatment now, will you.?" 



The Squib 



EXTRA! 



EXTRA! 



Dean's Action's Shock 
Students of M. A. C. 

EVINCING a display of temper and a lack 
of self-control seldom seen in such a re- 
fined character, Dean Edward M. Lewis broke 
loose from a group of students who were trying 
to pacify him, Tuesday afternoon, and dashed 
madly across the campus in a cloud of dust. 
Uttering a snort as he passed the Registrar's 
office, he lengthened his stride, tore thru the 
Ravine and across the fields to Pleasant Street. 
Here he was frightened by a groujD of Co-eds 
in front of the "Adams House" and kicking his 
heels in the air he flew across the Experiment 
Station orchard and took refuge near the corral 
on the far side of Prexy's hill. Not until Colonel 
Walker aided by "Prexy" had called in the aid 
of several troopers armed with feed-bags was 
the big bay cavalry horse, (who has been named 
Dean Lewis) subdued. 

The unfortunate rider reported that the 'Dean' 
ran right out from under me.' The Physical 
Director's office announces there were no bones 
broken but the rider still prefers to eat from the 
mantelpiece. 

Moral: Be careful how you try to ride the 
Dean. 



Q 



. p. sat upon his lap; 
M. T. heads close to. 

When she said, 
"O. Y. do that.?" 

He said, 
"I'm just lovin' you." 

— S— 

A ND is he as thin as all that.'* 
^^ Thin! When he takes a bath he has to 
get out of the tub before pulling out the plug 
to keep from slipping down the drain pipe. 



I 



DECREASED TWO WAYS 

took my jeans to the tailor man. 

Had them creased up spick and span, 
Worse luck, it started into rain. 
Decreasing my pants all over again. 




Solving the Math. Problem 

— S— 

¥JER: I don't know you from Adam. 

* * HIM: Why, have I forgotten my trousers.'^ 



SCANDAL 

HEAR 'bout the barrel party on the campus .^^ 
What's up.? 
Sam-bucus and Mag-nolia were found with 
bare limbs. 

— S— 

CAFETERIA JAZZ 

CAFETERIA Laborer: More milk! 
Kitchen Relay: More milk for the calf! 

— S— 

STILL AHEAD 
A DMIRAL: They play kissing games in 
^^ the country. 

Stude: In the city they don't bother with the 
games. 

— S— 

DROP: What is a centimeter.? 
* Sleepy Soph: It is an animal with a hun- 
dred feet. 

— S— 

AGGIE ECONOMICS WITH ADAM AND 

EVE 

Imports and Exports 

STUDENT: Gee, I wish we only had to do 
these for Adam and Eve's time when they 
raised but three crops. 
So? What were they? 
Hay, fig leaves and whiskers. 



The Squib 

PAY REPUBLIC'S HEAD $16 A YEAR 

Andorra Citizens Have No Disorder, Strikes, or Profiteering 
One Violent Death Since The Year 841 



>y ^^^ were about to nap over our daily newspaper, the Weekly Republican, the other after- 

M 0^ ^P noon while studying assiduously, when the above headlines caught our eye. Immed- 

^^^^ W iatsly upon digesting their unusual import, we proceeded to hunt up time-tables for 

^^^\^F Andorra, but the express rates were so high that we couldn't raise them, Christmas 

being in the near past. We were still interested enough, however, to find out a few 

facts about Andorra. Here they are: 

The financial aspect of the government is perfect. We are informed that the money saved 
on the President's salary each year is diverted to some worthy cause. In 1913 it was used in establish- 
ing a fund for the suppression of the chewing-gum habit. In 1918 a home was built for broken-winded 
saxaphone artists. We have applied to Andorra's Minister of Finance for an endowment to be used 
in building a new Chem. lab. 

Labor conditions in Andorra are unexcelled. Labor schedules call for a four-hour day, and 
a half holiday Wednesday and Saturday. Wednesday and Saturday are generally the on]y working 
days. The accepted wage rate is $2.00 per hr. The cost of living is about that obtained when gin- 
fizzes were a reality in the U. S., and not a memory, and when Steve Brody took a chance. Ask dad, 
he knows. We believe the above schedule could be established in this country with excellent profits 
(for amusement parks.) 

The worthy people of Andorra cannot tolerate disorder and profiteering. The story has it that 
a Standard Oil agency once cornered the kerosene market. Rather than pay the exorbitant price 
of 15 cents a gal., the ingenious people began to use peanut oil. They found it preferable to kero- 
sene, because the burning oil had a pleasant odor of roasting peanuts. 

The undertakers of Andorra are a conscientious lot. The fact that no violent deaths have oc- 
curred since the year 841 is sufficient proof of our assertion. The death in 841 was a suicide, a bar- 
tender, who drowned himself in a hogshead of wine when it was rumored that Andorra was going 
dry. Andorra, wise old state, didn't try to Sahara-ize; so all that good wine was wasted. 

While we do not believe that such a society could be of any avail at present in the U. S., we 
are willing to sanction its trial in Mexico. Of our vast population, there must be at least one man who 
is willing to sacnfice a new pair of shoes to send Andorra's president to that southern republic for 
a year. Doubtless there would be disorder and more than one violent death, but in the end peace 
would reign over our turbulent neighbors across the border, 




— S- 



out 



A BSENT minded surgeon : Have I cut 
^^ his appendix yet.? 

Nurse: No sir; All I have so far is three ribs, 
half a lung, and a piece of liver. 



w 



— s— 

1935 A. D.— 1:30 A. M. 
ITH noiseless tread and quiet glide. 



H 



APPY Souce: There's a little in the bottle 
for the morning. 
Second Souce: How about'a swallow? 
Happy Souce: Go to it; it's an ink bottle. 



Into the darkened room she moved, 
Stepped on a rug and started to slide — 

Crash ! 
Meek male voice from within: "Is the club 
meeting over, honey dear.'' 



The Squib 




A Tragic Romance, in Two Acts 



Act I 

/^LD Don Quixote pokes a wicked lance 
^^ For love or war whene're he gets a chance. 
He sallied forth one summer's day, 
His lady's love to claim, 
By knocking cold his rival 
And thereby get some fame. 



Act II 

But Don Quixote's suit was made of tin. 
He met his rival coming out when he was going 

in. 
He didn't have a plumber's chance; 
His rival heaved a knife, 
Quixote's wishbone splintered. 
And southward went his wife. 



Finale 

And so the plumber took the plum 
And rode like Hell for kingdom come. 



The Squib 



I 



THOUGHTS ON CHEEK DANCING 

wonder why the violets seem 

So beautiful and pure; 
I wonder why they're cherished so, 
What charms comprise their lure. 

I wonder why with careless feet 

We tread upon the gold 
Of Dandelions, gleaming bright, 

And pass their glances bold. 

Is it not true, the pleasing charms 

Of flowers sweet and rare. 
Would all be lost, should they be found 

Profusely everywhere ? 

O maiden pure, what charms are thine, 

What rare and lovely grace; 
But oh, how sad to see them strewn 

To fade in commonplace! 

Oh keep the bliss of blushing cheek. 

The lure of parted lips 
A sacred pledge — a brimming cup 

Where but thy true love sips! 



LITTLE drops of water, little grains of sand, 
RATTLE in the windpipes — of the Aggie 
Band. 



FEESHMAN to another Freshman. 
1st. What subject have you the third period 
on Wednesday mornings .f* 
2nd. Public Sleeping. 



1 



-S— 



KEY: Oil get mad and greb your nose. 
Jay Key: You will haf your hends full if you 



do. 



B 



— s— 

S'HELP ME HANNA 
ILL McGill, invented a pill 

To cure or kill from every ill. 
Flooey McFlue, he took a chew. 
And straightway up the chimney flew. 
Alleluiah. 

"Have a drink?" "I don't think. 

Unless it's at the kitchen sink." 

He took me to an ocean view 

And tossed me in. Said that would do. 

Amen. 



I 



CLOTHING HINT 

F you want to make pants last . . . 
make the coat first. 

— S~ 



SINCE the recent trips of the Musical Clubs, 
a new standard pitch for the piano has been 
established. In addition to the original Inter- 
national and Concert tunings they have found 
another that is high enough to be well adapted 
to piccolo solos and have named it the Hadley 
Pitch. 

— S— 

IJUNGRY fellow, arising from hash: That's 
* * the longest time it has ever taken me to 
eat so little. 



-S— 




'HORTY: The leading character in my 
' military play is to be named Wright.l; What 

would be a good first name for him? 
Slim: Oh, call him Squads. 




Mrs. Cassy: What time was it whin thim 
two Fords went by?" 

Mrs. Clancy: "Tin after tin." 

— Juggler 



MORE MATERIAL ADVANCEMENT 

Have you seen the new style socks .^" 

"No; are they good.^" 

"Great convenience! They're sewed right 
into the shoes." 

"But how do you change them?" 

"You don't! That's the convenience!" 
Dartmouth J ack-o'' -Lantern 

— S— 

Bug: I hear that your old man died of hard 
drink. 

Ding: Aes. Poor fellow. A cake of ice drop- 
ped on his head. 

— Awgwan 



PICK-UPS IS PICK-UPS 

A busy guy is Henry Hurls — 
He's always picking up strange girls. ^ 
But don't think he's a sporty gink — 
He just works in a skating rink. 

■ — Sun Dial 



She: Are you fond of autos? 
He: Am I? You ought to see the truck 
I ate for lunch. 

Williams Purple Cow 
— S— 
"Speaking of bathing in famous springs," 
said the tramp to the tourist, 

"I bathed in the sping of '86." 

— Orange Peel 



FINN-ICKY 

Who is that?" 

"That's our Pole vaulter." 
Oh, does he speak English?" 

— J ack-o' -Lantern 
— S— 

NOT HIM 

Mrs. Hummer: You must be careful about 
my floors — very careful. I have just had 
them newly polished. 

Mr. Plummer: You needn't worry about me 
slippin' ma'm, I've got hob nails in me shoes. 

— Virginia Reel 



Mabel: Bill's filing his old love letters. 
Lizzie: Were they as rough as that? 

■ — Puppet 

— S— 

Burglar: "One sound from you and I'll 
squeeze you to death." 

Antique Maid: "Remember that's a promise." 

— Sun Dial 

— s— 

"That's what they call a bear-cat," said 
little Willie as he finished shaving the family 
feline with pa's safety razor. 

—Ex. 



The Squib 



Meeting of the Interfraternity Conference 

Special to the Squib 
By James Crow 

' I 'HE wild winds wound wickedly through 
* Wildwood Cemetery when I arrived. The 
moon shone, but not for lovers — it rather glim- 
mered with a ghoulish glare over the ghostly 
graveyard. Silently I slunk behind a marble 
slab that hid from human eyes the rotifer-racked 
remains of some ancient Amherst patriarch, 
and as gently drew my notebook from my pocket. 
Soon I should see what only the ogling owlets 
had ever looked upon — the mysterious meeting 
of the Interfraternity Conference. 

All was sickening silence. My hand involun- 
tarily stole to my dromedary corral, then back 
to my fevered chin. "To smoke in such a spot 
would seem sacriligious," I sighed. Then the 
distant bell of the Chapel struck twelve. As 
though this were a signal, I beheld near the 
entrance eighteen little fiery sparks rise a short 
distance into the air, and fall again to the ground. 
Up from the gloomy gateway, two by two, 
stalked eighteen figures, clad in grey robes, 
gathered up like togas, with Greek letters in- 
scribed on the bosoms. Almost before me they 
stopped and formed a circle, in the centre of 
which one of them stood alone — ah! he was 
the president — This central figure drew from 
beneath his robe a feline skull, which he placed 
on a mound before him. Each thereupon raised 
the right foot horizontally eighteen inches, placed 
the left beside the right and sat down. 

The meeting proceeded in the usual orderly 
fashion of all fraternity meetings, but no one 
was seriously injured. Professional pride, and 
the instinct of self-preservation prevents my 
mentioning the names of those making motions 
and suggestions. 

The first to rise from the circle and address 
the mound proposed that the conference accept 
a modern electric brander instead of the crude, 
coal-heated contrivance now used. The speaker 
suggested that this would be practical if the 
initiates were to furnish their own salve. Money 
was appropriated to repair the slapping machine 
of the — fraternity. It was voted to limit the 
length of initiation hikes to 47 miles. Paddles 
will be of soft oak next year. A vote of sympathy 
was taken and will be presented to neighboring 
fraternities whose fussing teams had their sched- 
ules shortened recently. At this point the 
eighteen rose and sang the old ditty, "You Never 
Can Tell What A Prospect Will Do," and a 



flask of Doc. Chamberlain's Organic Brew was 
passed around. 

The meeting became a bit livelier. Impromptu 
dances varied the former dry program. Someone 
carelessly left the flask near my reportorial 
monument and soon after, it was reported mys- 
teriously empty. (Beyond this point the writer 
cannot vouch for the actual trend of proceedings.) 

— S— 

ELEGY WRITTEN AT THE AGGIE 
DEAN'S BOARD 

' I 'HE freshman proudly wears his pea-green cap, 
* His drill suit he is very proud to show; 
But on Dean's Saturday there comes a rap. 
In ALGEBRA and FRENCH he finds he's low. 

The sophomore has nerve and "bull" aplenty— 
At bull-dozing the freshmen he's not slow; 

And yet we see he's on a par with 20, 

For "Billy's" PHYSICS knocked him cold 
as snow. 

The junior helps the verdant freshmen out; 

(The freshmen who, they say, are green as 
grass) . 
He's very wise and dignified, no doubt? 

Look on the board. His CHEM. he didn't pass. 

The senior gaily wends his way to Smith, 

With lordly mein and bearing proud as Nero; 

His active brain is full of useful pith, 
Altho in DAIRYING he pulled a 0. 

So, as we stagger thru our college life, 

And try our best some learning wise to hoard* 

Despite our daily struggles, weekly strife. 

We find our names upon the dear old board. 



-S— 



John 



'OU don't seem to realize who I am. 

Hancock was my ancestor. 
Isn't it a pity how the race has degenerated. 

— S— 

AT THE CLUB 

DLOW: "Who's that guy who just went 
'^ out.^ He didn't seem much impressed 
when I told him my brother was mayor of Car- 
buncle." 

Slow: "That's the mayor of Carbuncle." 



The Squib 



O 



KELLY 
H, Kelly was a sailor, 
He was a jolly tar. 
He used to pilot schooners 
Across the corner bar. 
He made a lot of money .^1 
In the liquor selling game; 
But never knew prosperity 
'Till prohibition came. 

He closed his corner bar-room 
When Congress told him to. 
Installed some sparkling mirrors 
And a soda fountain new. 
His previous experience 
Had taught him how to make 
For inquisitive policemen 
A stimulating shake. 

His aristocratic patrons 
Have come from near and far. 
He looks like J. P. Morgan 
In his speedy motor car. 
How did he make the money.? 
You doubtless wonder too. 
Just let him mix a soda 
When you're feeling sort'er blue. 




Squibby Stet)s Out Again m February 

with the 

Agricultural Number 

Eyes Oj)en for Some Real 
Rural Ravings 




The Lay of the Last Minstrels 



The Amherst Laundry 



Highest Grade Work 



All Modern Appliances 



We invite your Inspection 



An Orchestra 

with 

''PEP'' 



PHONE 3-W 



AMHERST 




For engagements, call: 
M. M. Smith, Phi Sigma Kappa House 



or 



C. Dunbar — Sigma Phi Epsilon House 



WHAT A KNOCKOUT OF A JOKE 

"Every time I have an argument with my 
wife I enter it in a small diary." 

"Ah — I see. You keep a Httle scrap-book." 

— Columbia Jester 



She: "Have you taken a drink.^" 
He: "No, is one missing.''" 



WITH HIS HEART IN HIS MOUTH 

"I hear prohibition hit Jim so hard he killed 
himself." 
"Suicide?" 
"No. Herpicide." 



CARL SCHY 



TAILOR 



Not only the best but the most 
reasonable for pressing and repair work. 



THE DAVENPORT 

The haven for 

House-party Guests; 
Class, and Fraternity Banquets 

MRS. J. K. W. DAVENPORT 
Phone 440 



Printing - Ruling - Binding 



"The Kind Worth While" 



EXCELSIOR PRINTING CO. 



Phone 59 



North Adams, Mass. 



Customer: "Are you showing your spring- 
lingerie ?" 

New Clerk: (not very comfortable) : "I hope 

not, ma'am." 

— Pelican 



"Do sit down, man. There's a limit even to 
respect." 

"It isn't respect, sir. It's a boil." 

— J ack-o' -Lantern 



The barbers cut your dangling hair 
And charge you fifty cents; 

I let my hair grow long and cut 
The overhead expense. 

— Chaparral 



Prof. : "Mexico is in a continual state of fer- 
ment." 

Stude: "Swell. Send some of our near- 
beer down there for a while." 

— Pelican 



The Draper Hotel 

Northampton, Mass. 
THE HOTEL OF BANQUETS 

We Cater to Football, Baseball & Basket- 
Ball Teams 

Also to — 

Class Banquets, of which we have made 
such a Great Success — Come Again, 

WM. M. KIMBALL, PROP. 



-r.. ^-pr^— ■-..,-■■ 





at Is Air? 



BEFORE 18f^4 every chemist thought he knew what air is. "A 
mechanical mixture of moisture, nitrogen and oxygen, with 
traces of hydrogen, and carbon dioxide,"' he would explain. 
There \\^as so much oxygen and nitrogen in a given sample that he 
simply determined the amount of oxygen present and assumed the 
rest to be nitrogen. 

One great English chemist. Lord Rayleigh, found that the nitro- 
gen obtained from the air was never so pure as that obtained from 
some compound like ammonia. What was the "impurity"? In 
co-operation with another prominent chemist, Sir William Ramsay, 
it was discovered in an entirely new gas — "argon." Later came the 
discovery of other rare gases in the atmosphere. The air we breathe 
contains about a dozen gases and gaseous compounds. 

This study of the air is an example of research in pure science. 
Rayleigh and Ramsay had no practical end in view — merely the dis- 
covery of new facts. 

A few years ago the Research Laboratories of the General Electric 
Company began to study the destruction of filaments in exhausted 
lamps in order to ascertain how this happened. It was a purely 
scientific undertaking. It was found that the filament evaporated 
— boiled away, like so much water. 

Pressure will check boiling or evaporation. If the pressure within 
a boiler is very high, it will take more heat than ordinarily to boil the 
water. Would a gas under pressure prevent filaments from boiling 
away? If so, what gas? It must be a gas that will not combine 
chemically with the filament. The filament would burn in oxygen; 
hydrogen would conduct the heat away too rapidly. Nitrogen is a 
useful gas in this case. It does form a few compounds, however. 
Better still is argon. It forms no compounds at all. 

Thus the modern, efficient, gas-filled lamp appeared, and so argon, 
which seemed the most useless gas in the world, found a practical 
application. 

Discover new facts, and their practical application will take care 
of itself. 

And the discovery of new facts is the primary purpose of the 
Research Laboratories of the General Electric Company. 

Sometimes years must elapse before the practical application of a 
discovery becomes apparent, as in the case of argon; sometimes a 
practical application follows from the mere answering of a "theoret- 
ical " question, as in the case of a gas-filled lamp. But no substantial 
progress can be made unless research is conducted for the purpose of 
discovering new facts 




General Office 



Schenectady, N. Y. 



95-878.F 



J^^ 



//^ 




ffx, 




DON'T LOSE IT BY ME ^, [ 

Dark Shadow:— "Hands up!" 
Cohen: — "Will you vait a mmute > please 
'til I pay Levin five dollars I owe him?" 

— Sun Dodger 



BOTTLED UP 

"My stars, how did Jones cut up his face that 
way?" 

"Poor fellow was at a launching the other day 
and he licked the pieces." 

— Judge 



MIDNIGHT OIL 

'21: — "Freshman year I had- money to burn 
and I burned it." 
'2 4:— "How?" 
'21: — On an old flame of mine." 

— Lord Jeff. 



THE BUGx\MIST 

"A June bug married an angleworm", 

An accident cut her iii two. 
They charged the bug with bigamy ; 

Now what could the poor thrng_^dq.?" 

— Punch Bold 



A dizzy girl is Betty Bard — 
She hands out taffy by the yard. 
But don't think she's an a%'ful blower — 
She just works in a candy store. 

---"'.-■' — Rose Technic 



KODAKS 



VICTOR RECORDS 



DEUEL'S DRUG 
STORE 

FOUNTAIN PENS DUNHILL PIPES 



ARTHUR P. WOOD 



JEWELER . 
The Jewel Shop 



197 Main St., 



Northampton 



She laid the motionless, white form where 
she had laid many others that had gone before. 
A funereal silence ensued. No sigh; no sob 
came from her. The stillness was killing. Then 
like a thunder-bolt from heaven, she let out a 
piercing cry that shook the very portals of the 
earth — a cry that came from her inner soul. 
She walked away silently leaving behind the 
still form in its bed. Soon it would be taken away. 
But on the next day the hen would lay another 

egg- .. - :■..;- 

^:..'" — Lord Jeff 



E, Sarazin Day or Night 

NORTHAMPTON 

City Taxicab Co. 



DRAPER HOTEL 
TELEPHONE 96-W 



Touring Cars Li 



imou sines 



The Mark of Approval 


Paper City Kngraving Co. 

We are the engravers for 
THE AGGIE SQUIB 

Our work speaks for itself 

Radcliffe Bldg. 
Phone 700 Holyoke, Mass. 


That's what is stamped on everything we 
sell — every day means new customers who 
are satisfied — are you one of them? 

Everything in the line of haberdashery and 
clothing for the college man. 


CAMPION 


NO FRUITS IN THE HOTHOUSE 

"Do you like indoor sports?" 
"Yes, but father won't let them stay long." 

■ — Jade 


Hart Shaffner & Marx 
Clothes 

SHIRTS TIES 

College Outfitter 

COLLARS HATS 

F. M. THOMPSON & SON 


AMERICANS 

A busy guy is Henry Hurls — 

He's always picking up strange girls. 

But don't think he's a sporting gink — 

He just works at the skating rink. 

— 8u7i Dial 


PROBABLY NOT 

Sweet nectar from her lips he sipped 
As under the moon they sat, 

And wondered if ever a man before 
Had drunk from a mug like that. 

— Burr 



The United States Hotel 

BOSTON, MASS 

European Plan $2.50 a day and up- 
wards 

Tilly Haynes James C. Hickey 
Prop. Mgr. 


ACADEMY OF MUSIC 

Northampton 


The Latest Road and 
Photoplay Attractions 


Main Street 


ONE WAY ONLY 

Cop: — "Hey, where you going? Don't you 
know this is a one-way street?" 

Abe (in new Car) :— "Yell, I'm only going 
one way, ain't it?" 

—Pitt Panther 


"I see that Joe is still up at New Have n 

"Stude?" 

"Constantly." 

— The Jester 


OLD STUFF 

We read that Dante went through hell 
To find his sweetheart, though around her 
Fierce flames might rage. Most fellows — well. 
Go through it after they have found her. 

— Punch Bo%cl 


"I want to take out some insurance." 

"Fire or hfe?" 

"Both. I have a wooden leg." 

— Tar Baby 


The Plymouth Inn 


BOARD AND BORED 

Monte: — "Do they serve good board where 
you eat?" 

Carlo: — "Hardly; but I had a nice big splinter 
in my soup last night." 

— Brown Jug 


Just off the Campus 

On the Approved Lists 

Tea Room European Plan 

NORTHAMPTON 


ATTA RAPARTEE! 

Kitty: — "No one can say that my George is 
a chair warmer." 

Katty: — "No; you've probably got a sofa." 

— Sun Dial 


LIGHTS IS LIGHTS 

She (critically) :— "I never could see much 
in those crepe de chine dresses." 

She (also a critic) : — "iVh, my dear, but you 
never looked at them in the right light." 

— Banter 



SING LEE 

FIRST CLASS LAUNDRY 

Prompt Service 
AMHERST 



WOULD TAKE THE HARDER TASK 

Mother: — "Bessie, why don't you wash the 
dishes? It is easier to do a thing than to sit and 
think about it." 

Bessie: — "Well, mother, you wash the dishes 
and I'll sit and think about it." 

— Boston I'ranscript 



THE ORIGINAL KIND 

Johnny: — "What is a rain check, Pa?" 
Mother: — "Don't ask such foolish questions 

and bother your father; you ought to know that 

a rain check is an umbrella." 

— Pit Pan ther 



NO PROFIT IN THAT 

Governor Cox is contemplating a trip to 
Europe — probably on the theory that a prophet 
is without honor in his own country. 

— Sun Dial 



The Hotel Worthy 

of 
SPRINGFIELD 

The Best Place For 
DINNER PARTIES AND 
BANQUETS 

Corner Main and Worthington 




""HE long and inti- 
mate understanding 
of men's needs explains 
the Stetson feeling for 
Style. 

The little extra one 
pays is forgotten quick- 
ly in the pure, unadul- 
terated satisfaction one 
gets in wearing Stetson Quality. 

Style, Quality and Sound Money's Worth 
assured by the Stetson Label in each Hat. 

JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY 
Philadelphia 

STETSON 



— 1 



E. F. CARLSON CO. 



CONTRACTORS 



ALUMNI MEMORIAL BUILDING 
GIRLS' DORMITORY BUILDING 
. CAVALRY HORSE BARN 



244 Main St. 



SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 




AcfviCOLTURE FOREVER • BUT 

TO HF-tL WITH COLO ViC^^HE.R 

AMD 

THE KtOOLEMAN 

SHAKfSPEARt 



Bam^ i\}ink tljp greatpst tl^ittg in lifp 

31b lorp of rlaHHtr booka; 
^tit BOttiF UBBBtt that Art ia firat, 

(Jomarb xul|icl| all progrFaa looka; 
Knh Diljpra aai| tl)at mottrn baga 

Olrnitrol tttan'a nntUh mail — 
lut iLnxt\} ItPB «ot uiUl| nnr of tljpa?, 

3lfor grpatrr forr^a plag 

2[l|an urban ritlturp. 

Srpp Motrin bpupatlj a p^opl^'a atrFugtlj, 

Sbpre bMta a aturJi^ l^rart, 
Qfl^at, txttr pulatng, arnba a atrram 

(if lifr to pupry part — 
A [}tntt tljat tljroba in Natur^'a br^aat, 

Anb aboulJi it txin fail, 
©b^n, apitp of all tbat aome tl|ittk grrat, 

®bp tuorlb moul^ iip— but l]ail 
©o Agriculture! 



Literary Editor. 
B. F. Jackson, '22. 

Art Editor. 

F. S. Fletcher, '21. 

Exchange Editor 

G. E. White, '22 





zJDDDDDDDaD/ 

dODDDC 
□ DQDDt, 
iDDDOE 

DC 

DO 

tOl 

fa\ 
dc^i 

QUI 

'aDDDDDDN 

■QDaDDDI 

'DDDDDI 



QUID AGIS AGE, AGGIE 



Editor-in-Chief. 
M. F. Webster, 21. 

Managing Editor 
C. R. Vinten, '22 



Business Manager. 
M. M. Smith, '22. 



Circulation Manager 
H. E. Weatherwax '24 



^^ 



Literary Department. 
S. W. Bromley, '22. 
C. A. Buck, '22 
W. E. Chapin, '22. 
K. C. Randall. '22 
T. T. Abele, '23. 

E. W. Burke, '23 

F. Brunner, '24 



Art Department 
J. Kroeck, '22. 
C. A. Towne, '23 
J. H. Smith, '21 
Emily B. Van Lennep '21 
R. Noyes, '24 
Business Department 
R. P. Smith, '22 
H. H. Davis, '24 
E. E. Lamb, '24 



The Aggie Squib is published six times during the college year, by the students of the Massachusetts Agricultural College 
In the months of November, December, February, March, May and June. All business communications should be addressed 
to the Business Manager; all literary communications and drawings to the Managing Editor. Subscribers who do not receive 
copies will confer a favor by reporting the same to the Circulation Manager. Subscription price $2.00; single copies 35 cents. 
Entered at the Amherst Post-office as second class matter. 



SUBSCRIBERS 
Any changes of address of subscribers should be reported to the Circulation Manager, 
copies are requested to notify him at once so that proper delivery can be made. 



Those not receiving 



FARMER: Those pesky automobiles are 
forever knocking my chickens down. 
Newly wed: That's nothing. Automobiles 
are forever picking up my wife. 

— S— 

FRESHMAN: Why is hash like heaven? 
Soph: I don't know. Why? 
Freshman: God only knows w^hat's in it. 



Freshman : They tell me Bill had a peculiar death. 

Wise Guy: How's that? 

Freshman: A mahogany piano fell on him. 

Wise Guy: Oh I see; a mahogany finish. 

Tar Babij 



Editorials 



YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT 

^^QUIBBY'S sense of humor has been tickled greatly of late, at the frantic efforts made by 

■ those students, who came to Aggie to get away from agriculture. At least they did if 

^^ w^e are to believe them, for many a time and oft, when some North iVmherst farmer has appeared 

on the street driving a cow, or at the movies when a rooster has been shown upon the screen, 
clasped in the arms of our favorite ingenue (some birds have all the luck) has Squibby heard one of 
these men whisper in a loud voice, "Ae, you can't get away from it!" 

Why make such an effort to "get away from agriculture?" Of a truth, Squibby has often 
reflected on the inconsistencies of humans, for these same men, a short time ago, were bending every 
effort, and adding grey hairs to the heads of the registrar and dean, trying to get into the only agri- 
cultural college in the state of Massachusetts. 

The aristocratic highbrows whose ancestors conducted the first excursion boat to Plymouth 
may console themselves with the fact that they are the descendents of agriculturists, every one of 
them. For Squibby has it on no less an authority than old Governor Bradford that the first thing 
the party at Plymouth did, after they had unloaded and stored away the cradles and chairs and tables 
which later journeyed all over the United States as antiques, and had built some log houses, was to 
plant corn. 

We have discovered also that the first Massachusetts Agricultural College was established 
there at Plymouth, with a distinguished faculty of Indians, headed by Squanto, who taught agronomy, 
and delivered weighty lectures regarding the merits of Phosphoric Acid and Potash contained in an 
old codfish planted in each hill of corn. Squibby ventures a guess that Commonwealth Avenue would 
still have been the fashionable dwelling place of porcupines and woodchucks, and that clams might 
yet be basking on Boylston Street were it not for the fact that our forefathers scratched gravel, and 
hoed the plebeian corn right merrily in those far off days of 300 years ago. They would have starved 
if they hadn't. And those same aristocrats who today look with pain upon a hay wagon, and who 
cry loudly in grief and scorn when anyone mentions the rural problem, would starve, as their fore- 
fathers came near doing, were it not for the farmer .... the "wheat" .... to use their own word. 
They would very soon learn the well known axiom, that truly, the can opener is not mightier than the 
plow, and the A & P store does indeed conceal a multitude of sins. 

There are much worse things than being a farmer, O Philistines! This is an agricultural college, 
and you all are here, so why look down upon agriculture. Squibby believes that a man may raise pota- 
toes and still not be a "wheat", and that the city is not the only place worth living in by any means. 



IfagHljate's Knlgum 



For the Intellectual Uplift of Benighted Rustics 



The Pig Club 

Philosopher Remarks 

Ain't it the truth: 

That the co-ed you never looked at twice 
before seems a lot prettier to you after one 
of your friends has taken her to a house dance? 

That this year's stock of stenogs. reminds one 
of the old, hatchet-faced gang of the past — they're 
so different. 

That Massachusetts has a bigger marble quarry 
on Beacon Hill than any New Hampshire can 
boast of? 

That the only time a man in South College 
dares to take a shower is after five o'clock? 

That more of us have gone over to Smith after 
reading that famous "Lord Jeff"? 

That we ought to hang the guy who said that 
Paradise was a h -1 of a place? 

That it's about time they erected a dormitory 
for the Siberian students — ? (we might have 
some, some day). 

That after reading Prexy's annual report, 
Aggie's "hills of difficulty" look like perpendic- 
ular precipices? 



I 



PLANTED my hat in the garden. 

I cultivated with care. 
When came the harves'^t season 
There grew a hat -tree there. 



The Black Sheep 

' I 'HE census taker once more poised his pencil 
* over the paper. "How many children have 
you?" he inquired. 

"Four, all boys", replied Farmer Sam'l, shift- 
ing his weight from one felt boot to the other, 
and gazing wistfully between the slats of the 
corn -crib. 

"What do they do?" went on the question- 
monger. 

"Wall, Jakey does durn good. He he's a 
shack up in Jed Budkin's wood -lot, 'nd makes 
his livin' tolarable comf'ftble-choppin' Jed's old 
pines. Yes, Jakey's a good boy. 

"Then there's Hen. He's teamin' fer the Town. 
He's doin' good, tew. Yew'd oughta see him 
make em gee and haw! Hen's a chip off'n the 
old wood pile! 

"Lew's next. He ain't so smart. More like 
his ma than me. He's over in the grucery store. 
Makes enough, though, to keep him in does, 'nd 
play cards Sundays, 'nd keep us in pervisions at 
home." 

Sam'l paused. 

"And the other one," prodded the census taker. 

The old man's weather-beaten face clouded 
like the July sky over a hot hayfield. His eyes 
looked misty. Then he removed his old straw 
hat, and wiped a little perspiration from his 
forehead with a big blue handkerchief. 

"Harry, ... he began, then stopped. "Yes, 
Harry," repeated the questioner. "Harry, he's 
in a bad way. If 'twant fer the milk check I 
send him every month, guess he'd starve. Oh, 
he's an awful disapintement to his old folks! 
Most killed his ma." 

A tear trickled down Sam'l's honest counte- 
nance. 

"Is he in jail?" asked the awe-struck census 
taker. 

"Jail, hell! burst out Sam'l . "He's a per- 
fesser up to the x\gricultooral College!" 



The Squib 



RURAL SUPREMACY 

People marvel at the modern department 
store with its hundreds of employes and its miles 
of counters, but old Sam Horner and his long 
legged son, Zeke, have an establishment in the 
Maine back woods that puts the bargain counter 
promoters to shame. The following sign board 
notifies the dusty traveler that vmder this one 
roof there is operating a system that points 
toward real efficiency: 

Sam Horner & Son 

Merchant Tailors 
Clothiers 
And Dealers in General Merchandise 



Groceries — Provisions — ^Meats 



A Complete Line of Hardware 



Hay, Grain, Flour and Feed 



Guns, Fishing Tackle and Sporting Goods 



Dry Goods, Notions 



Candies — Cigars — Cigarettes 
and Tobacco 



Ice Cream and Coca Cola 



Sunday Papers on sale every Wednesday 



— S- 



H 



BEYOND RESTRAINT 

OW did your home brew come out? 
Right through the side of the bottle. 




ROF: How do they lift onions from the cars 
into the warehouses? 

I think onions are usually raised by 



Stude 
poles. 



— S— 



' I 'HE College Life Bored announces the fol- 
^ lowing additional courses in practical agri- 
culture in the Shot Course Dept. 

Hash-House $7.00 

Grubs and grumbling. In the main, this course 
consists of rehashing of residual and by-products. 
Besides this it entails a detailed serial study of 
super-deserts. Students majoring in this sub- 
ject are allowed no cuts; others a maximum of 
nine out of twenty hours. 
10 to 20 class hours .... The Department. 

Mathematics 100% — Figures and Shapes 

An elementary course embracing.. --(?)... trips 
to the Abbey, Draper Hall, Smith and Mt. 
Holyoke. 
Hours by arrangement. Doc. Emery 

Floriculture 13 

Flours, rice, and confetti. If you can't 
pass this course it's your funeral. 
Once in a lifetime.. (Several times for some). 

Prof. Thompson 
Entomology i3. 

A general course dealing with bugs and bug- 
houses. It is the aim of this course to show pros- 
pective farmers how to handle bugs. Practical 
experience will be given on some of the sojournists 
of the campus. It will consist of demonstrating 
improved methods of collecting the bugs and 
imprisoning them in modern bug-houses where 
they can do no further harm. 
Spare time of student . . . Prof, Tietz 



The Squib 



That Was The Reason 



M ^^E WAS tall. He was handsome. He bathed in money as does a bee in a rhododendron 

^^^^^ blossom. A car and chauffeur, why that was a mere plaything for him. His nain 

^^ difficulty was in finding a girl. His one ambition in life was to marry and settle down. 

One day by chance he had the fortvme or misfortune, if you want to term it such 

of meeting a beautiful girl. He fell in love with her and paid many a visit to her home. 

On lovers night, which is Saturday night, he put on his best and determined to ask his fair maiden 
to marry him. AH I but he needed something to give him courage, strength and vigor. Father had 
a whole cellar full of 18th amendment whiskey which might help out. He tried two glasses and finally 
a third. Now he was ready for the great ordeal which lay before him. Somehow the whiskey made 
him feel queer. He found the house, rang the bell and walked in and seated himself on the davenport 
in the parlor. In walked Marie his beloved and sat beside him. To-night Marie wore a very attrac- 
tive dress Avhich made her look like some fairy queen, but it seemed to take no effect on him. He talked 
and talked, and talked some more, but not with his hands as do most lovers. He arose to leave and 
kissed her. The Sanderson dew on her lips brought him out of his trance, and then did he first realize 
the purpose of his mission. With one supreme effort he heaved an alcoholic sigh and in a low voice 
finally uttered the words 

"Will you marry me?" 

"No," replied Marie. 

"But, why," asked he. "Haven't I money, and everything in the world to live for!" 

"Yes," she replied, "but I could never get used to the taste of that liquor." 



»^ 



FATHER: Well my girl, has James learned A/flSS Newlywed: Milkman, do you keep 
how to plant anything at the Agricultural i»'l your cows in a pasture? 
College? Milkman: Why, of course m'am. 

Daughter: Yes — kisses! Miss N. W.: Goody! Fred does so love pas- 

teurized milk. 



SENDHE/^SQUIBBY 



You know how you feel after the Prom. Kind of 
low and droopy at the mouth; and who is it you 
always turn to to drive away that hollow feeling? 
Why SQUIBBY of course! And dosen't he cheer 
you up? Just ask the man who reads one! 

And then! Be sure to send HER one. Anything 
you can do to remind her of the good time she 
had at Prom will only get you in just so much 
stronger. Obey that impulse. 



FASHION NUMBER NEXT 



The Squib 




\[ jUpOes+\on -^ T 



I 



o m^ ke 2v s 



Ionv hcr^e T2k5T 



-s— 



W 



HAT did you think of that bass solo? 
It was too deep for me. 



M 



WITH A GRAIN OF SALT 

ISTRESS: Have you the ice-cream made 
for dinner? 
Maid: No, the salt petred out. 



-S— 



— S— 

'HE Prize Setting for a Stag Conversation: 
Two Guys telling each other about their 



JULLMAN Porter: This is your stop sah, 

shall I brush you off? 
Passenger: No, I'd rather walk. 



girls. 



-S— 



SHIRTS 



50-/0 
OFF 



PAJAMAS 



1st Co-ed: Did you notice how quiet it was in 

chapel. 
2nd Co -Ed: Yes, I could even hear my gum 

drop. 



OFF 



Adv. Boston Post 



The Squib 




I ? .' ' / 




TitE SMOT^THCRN 30LSHEVtKI Hou-D A T3t/LL-rEST: 



AC^S£ OF MiST'^Ke-M 
IPENTI T Y 





A LITTLE 
C '\MOf FUAGE 



OET "en t-t i^E THIS 



Sh oh th 



OSM 'RlCHT |W TM/vT TXJuT?^ A fy' T'V tfE THE. FI"R'>' 



— S— 
OHE: Do you like bobbed hair? 
•^ He: Never tasted the stuff. 

She: Do you think it's breakfast food? 

No : Squirrel's food. 

— S— 

A FRIEND IN NEED 

A NXIOUS Agent: I'd like to speak to you 
*^ for a minute, sir. 

Busy Bos^: Well, what have you got to sell, 
a book? 

A. A.: No sir. I have a limited supply of 
concentrated Hooch Powder that will make a 
glass of grape juice go down like a mustard plaster. 

B. B.: Step right in sir, and have a cigar. 

— S— 

THE PANTS AND VEST ARE MINE 
She: Gee, it's hot; I believe I'll take off my 
coat. 

He: I'll follow suit. 

She; I think your coat will do. 

Scalper 



— S— 
ADVICE TO FUSSERS 

IF you would be a brilliant social light, 
And tread among the fairest of the fair, 
You first must use a smooth and luscious line, 
And in the middle neatly part your hair. 

Your dress must simple be, of quiet hue. 
Your tie should have one color, black or blue, 
At least ten girls should grace your calling list 
But to no single one can you be true. 

— S— 
HEARD IN AGGIE ED. CLASS 

CO-ED: in labored and weighty accents: 
"Most girls who enter the field of Agri- 
cultural Education look upon it as a pre-marriage 
occupation." 

Voice from rear: "Have you any concrete 
examples?" 

— s— 

Occasion, class meeting. 

SOPH No. 1: "I nominate Mr for the 
Hop Committee." 

Mr "I wish to withdraw my name; I'm 

not much on hops." 



-The Squib 



Extension Service of the Squib 

Johnny Crow's Information Bureau 

1. Dear Sir: 

The W. C. T. U. informs me that my milk 
must not contain more than 10,000 bacteria 
per c.c. How am I goin' ter count the durn 
things? 

Otto von Kasein 

Ans: 

By the numbers. Assemble them in double 
rank and instruct them to count off. After 
you have them thoroughly trained you can have 
them report by squads. Full instructions are 
given in the new Cavalry Drill Regulations 
just published by the Commandant, R. O. T. C, 
M. A. C, which you can obtain upon request. 

2. Dear Sir: 

My cows got so used to eatin' green grass out 
in the pasture this summer that they refuse to 
eat dry hay. What do you reckermend as a 
remedy? I've tride about everythin but they 
won't eat nuthin' unless it's green. 
Yours struly, 

Si Stover 



Ans: 

That's easily fixed, Si. Just put some green 
glasses on 'em, and you can even make them eat 
excelsior if it isn't too dry. 

3. Dear Sir: 

I got a piece of ground that no thin' except 
sorrel and daisies will grow on fer the past two 
years. Tother day a suspicious actin' feller came 
around and bored a hole in the ground (I should 
a thought he'd a spoiled his father's augur) and 
did somethin' with some of the dirt. Next day 
he came around again and told me the soil was 
acid and that it I'd kerrect the acidity I could 
raise some good stuff offen it. I wish yewd tell 
me how to kerrect that there acidity. 

Yours, 

Sandy Clay. 
Ans: 

Since the opposite of acid is sweet you must 
put something on the land to make it sweet, 
to correct the acidity (co r-re-c t, not kerrect). 
Apply sugar, about two tons per acre, we'd say, 
and raise strawberries off it the first year. Then, 
if the strawberries aren't sweet enough to suit 
you, put on more sugar the next spring until 
the desired sweetness is obtained. 







SHE'S very keen. 
My little queen. 
She keeps me guessing ever. 
I don't know why I love her so. 
I guess it's 'cause 
She's clever. 

Her little dress j 

Grows less and less, 
It braves the winter weather. 
How does she keep from catching cold? 
It must be 'cause 
She's clever. 

And, oh the bliss 
Of just one kiss. 
You'll find her equal never. 
For when I'm with her all alone, 
I'll tell you what, 
She's clever. 

We quarrel too 

As lovers do. 

And then I leave forever. 

But she just waits till I return. 

Because you know, 
She's clever. 

— S— 
HOME BREW 
'' I 'WAS a nice December morning 
^ Last September in July 
The stars lay thick upon the ground 
The mud shone in the sky. 
The flowers were singing sweetly 
The birds were in full bloom 
When I went down the cellar 
To sweep the upstairs room. 
The time was Wednesday morning 
On Tuesday just at night 
I saw a thousand miles away 
A house just out of sight. 
The walks projected backward 
The front was in the back 
It stood between two others 
And one was white-washed black. 



The Squib 



Nowhere, Iceland, 
April twiced, 1919 



<oo\ 



Dear Honevbunch: 



The great love I have expressed for you 
is false, and I find my indifference toward you 
increases daily. The more I see of you the more 
you appear in my eyes an object of contempt 
I feel myself in every way disposed and determined 
to hate you. I can assure you I never intended 
to love you. Our last conversation has 
left an impression on my mind which by no means 
impressed me of the extremely high standard of your character 
Your temper would make me entirely too unhappy, 
and if you and I were united, I would experience nothing but 
hatred of my friends, added to the everlasting dis- 
pleasure of living with you. I have indeed a heart 
to bestow, but I do not imagine it 
at your service. I could not give it to anyone more 
inconsistent or capricious than yourself and be 
capable of doing justice to myself and family. 
I think you are aware of the fact that 
I speak sincerely, and I know you will do me a favor of 
avoiding me. You need not trouble yourself about 
answering this letter as your letters are always full of 
impertinence and have not a shadow of 
wit or good sense. Believe me 
I am so averse to you that it is impossible for me 
to be your loving and affectionate sweetheart. 

P. S. I suppose you were inquisitive and read every 
line. I intended you to read only every other line. Now 
begin at the beginning and read every other line. 



You know me 




LAWYER: "what's your business?" 
Witness: "I be a farmer." 
L: "What kind of a farmer?" 
W: "A good farmer." 
L: "I mean what do yon raise?" 
W: "I be trying to raise a family." 
L: "Come now, what kind of crops do you 

grow?" 

W : "I grow the best in the country." 

Judge: "That's enough. He must be an 

Aroostook County potato grower." 



George 



-s— 



H 



DOUBLE EXPOSURE 

AVE you seen much of Maude lately? 
Not much, why? 
You should have been at the dance last night. 



— S— 



DO you mean that she's a fast lady? 
Well I'd rather refer to her as a dashing 
blonde. 



TO A LITTLE HAND 

Last night I held a little hand 

So dainty and so neat 

I thot my head would burst with joy 

So wildly did it beat 

No other hand unto my soul 

Could greater solace bring 

Than what I held last night 

which was 
Four Aces and a King. 

Ex. 



The Squib 






SHOULDER 5TRAP5 

We W56d +o wonder Kow tkey kep+ them, [rom D I |"r New we wonder way iKey used fKem a.+ ALL 
faUin.? OFF- UU I 



■^ ^cys*~~ 




Learn of the Latest Ultra-Modern 



Fads in the World of Fashion 



THE FASHION NUMBER OF 



THE SQUIB will open your eyes 



-i^-- 



The Squib 





The Gra.iiya\e. ^^ucienl',— Gee^ 1i\ese s(\2.fU ^re \oo sV\orV ! 



Who Wants to be a Farmer! 



DISSERTATIONS UPON FAMILIAR SUBJECTS 

BY 

PROFESSOR EBONYTOP 

EARN WHILE YOU LEARN 

or 

JOIN THE NAVY 

^■T is my desire here to elucidate to you young gentlemen the advantages of enlisting in Uncle 

^M Sam's Navy. My friend Mr. Hornblower Pomposity C. P. O. was very wroth at the way Col. 

^^^ Walker had got ahead of him in interesting men in the service. He made me promise to 

get into the navy all men who had not already decided to join the cavalry. This shows 

the generosity of my friend for as he is recruiting officer for this district, every enlistment means so 

much more work and bother for him. 

Let me first compare the navy with college. You waste four years here to tack a B. S. after 
your name. My friend stuck a P. O. after his name in two years, and after service on the ocean added 
a sea, making it C. P. O. Three letters in the time it takes you to obtain two! You have your sports 
at college. So do they in the navy, for I am sure my friend was playing guard soon after he enlisted. 
I am not sure whether this was at football or basket-ball but I am told that the term Anchor Guard is 
a modification of the naval term i\.nchor Watch. 

The navy is a very easy place to work. My friend was for a long time a fireman and you can 
imagine how often the sea or an iron ship would get on fire. 

There is no such monotony on shipboard as on the farm. My friend was changing continually 
from a battleship to a brig. 

One is not tied down as on the farm. My friend spent many winters in Siberia and many a 
summer on the equator. 

Join the navy and see the world through a porthole. 




A WOMAN'S WAY 
"No, I have never smoked before," she said, 
blowing rings. 

Frivol 



"THERE'S a roomer in the air," said the 
landlord as he ejected his last tenant. 

Lampoon 



'WHERE did you meet her?" 
"Out skating. Helped her with her skates." 
Took me an hour to get them off." 
"Are you that clumsy?" 
"No, she's that attractive." 

Juggler 



— S- 



HE: "Is that you darling?" 
SHE: "Yes, who is this?" 



Dirge 



ATTENTION, PROF. LIPPINCOTT 

I'll show 'em," said the hen as she kicked the 
porcelain egg out of the nest, "They can't make 
a brick-layer out of me." 

Puppet 

— S— 

SAFETY FIRST 

Careful Mother: Johnny, if you eat any more 
cake, you'll burst. 

Johnny: Well, pass th' cake and get outa the 
way. 

Washington and Lee Mink 



YES, INDEED 

"Did that rich old uncle of yours leave many 
heir-looms?" 

"I should say so. A new heir looms up almost 
every week." 

Boston Transcript 

— S— 

Excerpts from a Mother's letter to her son in 
camp: 

Dear Willie, don't shoot the little craps: 
remember they love life as well as you do. 



FOR EXAMPLE 

Hazel: "Aren't the profs around here theo- 
retical?" 

Nut: I'll say so. Professor Nowitz starts 
out every morning with, "Now class, suppose 
you had a dollar." 

California Pelican 



Lord Jeff 



— S— 



"He's an awful ladies' man." 
"I know it. I've seen him with some awful 
ladies." 

Sun Dial 



THE LAY OF A LOUNGE LIZARD 

I cannot run or jump or fight, 
Didactic verse I cannot write, 
Nor can I madrigals indite — 
I dance 

I cannot sing, nor can I play, 
For music never came my way. 
But everywhere I hear folks say — 
I dance. 

I can't orate or make a speech; 
Philosophy's beyond my reach; 
There's only one thing I can teach — 
To dance. 

It's swell to be a great athlete, 
With crowds of girls at every meet; 
But women all adore my feet — 
I dance. 

— Punch Bowl 



An Orchestra 

with 

''PEP'' 




For engagements, call: 
M. M. Smith, Phi Sigma Kappa House 



or 



C. Dunbar — Sigma Phi Epsilon House 



"Raining Pitchforks," is bad enough, but when 
it comes to "Hailing Street Cars," it's pretty 
rough weather." 

— Virginia Reel 



"Why does Jim always drink before going to 
bed?" 

"So he can sleep tight." 

Record 



"I hear they serve whisk brooms with their 
drinks now." 

"What's the idea?" 

"So you can brush yourself off when you get 
up from the floor." 



"I hear that Gwendolyn wears out a pair of 
shoes every time she dances." 

"That was last year. Every time she dances 
now she wears out a new string of beads." 

— Voodoo 



CARL SCHY 



TAILOR 



Not only the best but the most 
reasonable for pressing and repair work. 



AL BIAS 

Catering for Proms, Bats and Informals 

Sandwiches sold at fraternities 

every night 

TEL. 252-M 



Printing - Ruling - Rinding 


: z.-i-::L: ; 

"The Kind Worth While" 

.r. 


4* 

EXCF.I.SIOR PRINllNG CO. 

1 Phone 59 - - North Adams, Mass. 


NATURALLY 

'Twas mid-night in the parlor 
'Twas darkness everywhere. 
The silence was unbroken, for 
There was nobody there." 

— Virginia Reel 


A STICKY MELODRAMA 

Co-educated one: — Said she ingratiatingly, as 
she I'emoA^ed her heavily-horned eye-glasses and 
slowly wound the black ribbon about her finger 
the better to give the waitress the benefit of an 
appealing look which she sent across the top 
of the half-emptied Coco-Cola glass with its 
bent and twisted straw, "My sucker's broke. 

Understanding waitress: — "I'm sorry Ma'am, 
but our terms are cash." 

- — Chaparral 


A FISH STORY 

Newly Enlisted Sailor:— "Do they ring eight 
bells at noon?" 


The Draper Hotel 

Northampton, Mass. 

THE HOTEL OF BANQUETS 

We Cater to Football, Baseball & Basket- 
Ball Teams 
Also to — 
Class Banquets, of which we have made 

such a Great Success — Come Again. 
WM. M. KIMBALL, PROP. 


BASS NOTES 

She (to fair friend—: — "I'm not going with 
Harry any more." 

Fair Friend:— "Why not?" 

She: — "He knows too many naughty songs." 
Fair Friend: — "Did he sing them to you?" 
She:— "No, but he's always whistling the 

tunes." 

— Exchange 




How is a Wireless 

Message Received? 

EVERY incandescent lamp has a filament. Mount a metal 
plate on a wire in the lamp near the filament. A current 
leaps the space between the filament and the plate when the 
filament glows. 

Edison first observed this phenomenon in 1883. Hence it was 
called the "Edison eff"ect." 

Scientists long studied the "effect" but they could not explain 
it satisfactorily. Now, after years of experimenting with Crookes 
tubes, X-ray tubes and radium, it is known that the current that leaps 
across is a stream of "electrons" — exceedingly minute particles nega- 
tively charged with electricity. 

These electrons play an important part in wireless communica- 
tion. When a wire grid is interposed between the filament and the 
plate and charged positively, the plate is aided in drawing electrons 
across; but when the grid is charged negatively it drives back the elec- 
trons. A very small charge applied to the grid, as small as that re- 
ceived from a feeble wireless wave, is enough to vary the electron 
stream. 

So the grid in the tube enables a faint wireless impulse to control 
the very much greater amount of energy in the flow of electrons, and 
so radio signals too weak to be perceived by other means become per- 
ceptible by the effects that they produce. Just as the movement of 
a throttle controls a great locomotive in motion, so a wireless wave, 
by means of the grid, affects the powerful electron stream. 

All this followed from studying the mysterious "Edison effect" — 
a purely scientific discovery. 

No one can foresee what results will follow from research in pure 
science. Sooner or later the world must benefit practically from the 
discovery of new facts. 

For this reason the Research Laboratories of the General Electric 
Company are concerned as much with investigations in pure science 
as they are with the improvement of industrial processes and products. 
They, too, have studied the "Edison effect" scientifically. The result 
has been a new form of electron tube, known as the "pliotron", a type 
of X-ray tube free from the vagaries of the old tube; and the "kene- 
tron", which is called by electrical engineers a "rectifier" because it 
has the property of changing an alternating into a direct current. 

All these improvements followed because the Research Labora- 
tories try to discover the "how" of things. Pure science always 
justifies itself. 




General Office 



Schenectady, N* Y* 



95-377 tl 



The Massachusetts Agricultural College 



THE Massachusetts Agricultural College received its first entering class 
in 1867. It has always maintained a reputation as an influential factor 
in agricultural activities, and among its graduates are found foremost 
agricultural leaders. 

The campus comprises six hundred acres beautifully situated in the famous 
Connecticut Valley, in the town of Amherst; — an ideal college location. The 
quiet town life affords few distractions from the work at hand, yet trolley ser- 
vice makes it convenient to centers of population such as Springfield, North- 
ampton and Holyoke. Boston is ninety-seven miles distant, and served by direct 
train service over the Boston & Maine Railroad. 

A four year resident course leads to the Bachelor of Science degree. Ad- 
vanced degrees are awarded for graduate study. The student life is strongly 
democratic and develops to the highest degree the spirit of leadership. Stu- 
dent self-government promotes a high standard of individual responsibility. 
Examinations are conducted under an honor system administered by the stu- 
dents themselves. 

The following special lines of study are combined with prescribed and 
elective courses to assure a thorough college education. 



Agronomy 

Animal Husbandry 

Dairying 

General Agriculture 

Poultry Husbandry 

Floriculture 

Forestry 

Landscape Gardening 



Vegetable Gardening 
Economic Botany 
Agricultural Chemistry 
Economic Entomology 
Microbiology 
Agricultural Economics 
Agricultural Education 
Rural Sociology 
Pomology 



Tuition is Free to Resident of Massachusetts 



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First Irate One: "When I hit a man he remem- 
bers it! Understand?" 

Second Irate One: "Well, when I hit one he 
don't! Get me?" 

Ex. 


ARI'HURRWOOD 

JEWELER 
The Jewel Shop 

197 Main St., Northampton 


He: "You didn't know who I was at the game 
yesterday, did you?" 

She: "No, who were you?" 

Lord Jeff 


"He was driven to his grave." 

"Sure he was. Did you expect him to walk?" 

Lord Jeff' 


A NEW GAME 

Waiter (at the Grab and Grunt) : "Milk or 
water?" 

Customer: "Don't tell me, please; let me guess." 

Gargoyle 


why- 
Is a Woman afraid of a Mouse who's afraid of 
a Man who's afraid of a Woman? 

Mugwumj) 


"He's an awful ladies' man." 
"I know it. I've seen him with some awful 
ladies." 

Sun Dial 


Maybelle: "You tickle me, Duke?" 
The Duke: "My word, what a strange request." 

Puppet 


Prof: "Is Jones ill?'^ 
Frosh: "Yes, sir." 
Prof.: "How do you know?" 
Frosh: "Last night I heard some one tell him 
lean over and take his medicine." 

Banter 


E, Sarazin Day or Night 

NORTHAMPTON 

City Taxicab Co. 


WHERE WAS SHE? 
Dizzy Junior (at the hop) : "'Im in Heaven 
when I dance with you!" 
Victim: "I'm awfully hot." 

Bear-Skin 




DRAPER HOTEL 


KODAKS VICTOR RECORDS 


TELEPHONE 96-W 


DEUEL'S DRUG 


^ 


STORE 






Touring Cars Limousines 


FOUNTAIN PENS DUNHILL PIPES 





The Mark of Approval 


Paper City Engraving Co. 

We are the engravers for 




That's what is stamped on everything we 


THE AGGIE SQUIB 


sell — every day means new customers who 




are satisfied — are you one of them? 




Everything in the line of haberdashery and 


Our ucork speaks for itself 


clothing for the college man. 




CAMPION 


Radcliffe Bldg. 
Phone 700 Holyoke, Mass. 




Hart Shqffner & Marx 


LOVE'S LABOR 

"Did you work hard last night?" 
"Yeah. For four hours." 


Clothes 


"Were the results worth it?" 




"You bet." 




"Whad'ye do?" 




"Went to see my girl." 

Jester 


SHIRTS TIES 




College Outfitter 

COLLARS HATS 




DIRECTED 




Faint Fat Shopper: "W^here can I get something 




to stay my stomach?" 




Floor Walker: M the corset comiter — rear 




third." 




Judge 


F. M. THOMPSON & SON 



I'he United States Hotel 

BOSTON, MASS 

European Plan $2.50 a day and up- 
wards 

Tilly Haynes James C, Hickey 
Prop. Mgr. 


ACADEMY OF MUSIC 

Northampton 


The Latest Road and 
Photoplay Attractions 


Main Street 


With Nell one night, I came home late, 

Stopped on the steps to talk, 
When from the window up above 

There came an awful squawk. 
"Young man," her father's voice cried, 

"When taking leave of Nell, 
You may take as long as you desire, 

But don't lean on the bell!" 

Black and Blue Jay 


"Do you see that distinguished looking man?" 
"Yes, how did he make his money.^" 
"He discovered a method of utilizing the energy 
that goes to waste in jazz dances." 

Panther 


He: "1 remember how, at fourteen, I never 
used to know what to do with my hands and feet." 

She: "But now you don't seem to know whj^t 
to do with your arms." 

Froth 


"Why does George call his yacht 'Heavy Date'?" 
"Because she's hell on waves and likes it rough." 


The Plymouth Inn 


"Lady: "Can you see me across the street?" 
Policeman: "Yes, twice that distance." 

Harvard Lampoon 


Just off the Campus 
On the Approved Lists 

Tea Room European Plan 
NORTHAMPTON 


Classical Dancer: "Doctor, I want to be vac- 
cinated somewhere it won't show." 

Doctor: "My dear young lady, I'm afraid I'll 
have to do it internally." 

Jester 


"Were you and daddy good boys when I was 
gone?" asked the mother. 

"Oh, yes, mother," replied the child. 

"And did you treat nurse respectfully?" 

"I should say we did." 

"And did you kiss her good-night every day?" 

"I should say we did." 

Dirge 



HARDWARE 



Sporting Goods 
Flash Lights 



The Mutual Plumbing and Heating Co. 



Amherst 



Hen: "I had an awful jar to-day." 

Ed.: "How's 'at?" 

Hen; "Forgot to put in the yeast." 



Lemon Pimch 



1890 "Love me?" 
"Yes." 

Kiss me? 
"No!!" 



1921 



'Love me?" 
'No." 

'Kiss me?" 
'Yes!!" 



Virginia Reel 



The Hotel Worthy 

of 
SPRINGFIELD 

The Best Place For 
DINNER PARTIES AND 
BANQUETS 

Corner Main and Worthington 




"'HE long and inti- 
mate understanding 
of men's needs explains 
the Stetson feeling for 
Style. 

The little extra one 
pays is forgotten quick- 
ly in the pure, unadul- 
terated satisfaction one 
gets in wearing Stetson Quality. 

Style, Quality and Sound Money's Worth 
assured by the Stetson Label in each Hat. 

JOHN B. STETSON COMPANY 
Philadelphia 

STETSON 



E. F. CARLSON CO. 



CONTRACTORS 



ALUMNI MEMORIAL BUILDING 

GIRLS' DORMITORY BUILDING 

CAVALRY HORSE BARN 



244 Main St. 



SPRINGFIELD, MASS. 



J 0nmFttmF0 tunnlipr uil|g tljp mnbFrn girl 
^0 lottFB to teas? anmp uttBuapprttng bog; 

J( He^m to fiPF in l^tr a frltne grar^ 
A rrrtain plagful nnh rapnrtoua tog; 

Bl}t gloata in ronqupBta of a aortal kmh 
(§f ttlta m\X\} fan a, of men brongl^t to I^er feft, 

3irr Itfi? ta onp of lianrea, plaga nnh traa, 
l|Fr Ijuttttng gronnb a rnaljionFli tutnboui a^at; 

Jl nion^cr if tljr nltra mobrrn girl 
lBl|inb l|rr ramoflagp of jiortrait art 

Ja taxable of lou^ in ang form 
Jf arJirnt firea mill err ronanme \^tv lirart? 

ICpt*a Ijopr tl|p faal^iona in tl|dr mal^Fning mljirl 
Mu^ gior to ua anotljer tgp? of girl. 



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Literary Editor. 
B. F. Jack8on, '22, 

Art Editor. 

F. S. Fletcher, '21. 

Exchange Editor 

G. E. White, '22 



QUID AGIS AGE, AGGIE 



% 



Editor-in-Chief. 
M. F. Webster, 21. 

Managing Editor 
C. R. Vinten, '22 



Business Manager. 
M. M. Smith, '22. 



Circulation Manager 
H. E. Weatherwax '24 



Literary Department. 
S. W. Bromley, '22. 
C. A. Buck, '22 
W. E. Chapin, '22. 
K. C. Randall, '22 
T. T. Abele, '23. 

E. W. Burke, '23 

F. Brunner, '24 



Art Department 
J. Kroeck, '22. 
C. A. Towne, '23 
J. H. Smith, '21 
Emily B. Van Lennep '21 
R. Noyes, '24 
Business Department 
R. P. Smith, '22 
H. H. Davis, '24 
E. E. Lamb, '24 



The Aggie Squib is published six times during the college year, by the students of the Massachusetts Agricultural College 
in the months of November, December, February, March, May and June. All business communications should be addressed 
to the Business Manager; all literary communications and drawings to the Managing Editor. Subscribers who do not receive 
copies will confer a favor by reporting the same to the Circulation Manager. Subscription price $2.00; single copies 35 cents. 
Entered at the Amherst Post-office as second class matter. 



SUBSCRIBERS 
Any changes of address of subscribers should be reported to the Circulation Manager, 
copies are requested to notify him at once so that proper delivery can be made. 



Those not receiving 



CHE: Don't you 



think college girls make 
good wives? 
He: Sure. They're the only kind, if you can 
keep them in college. 

— S— 

PROF: Who is invested with the authority 
to open up the court? 
No. 1: The clerk. 
No. 2: The judge. 
No. 3: (f alter in gly.) The janitor. 



OVER THE WIRE 

HELLO, Doctor! Could you bring a bottle of 
those little round pills to the house right 
away? Reginald's little cousin is visiting us and 
he wants to play marbles. 



c 



per 



— S— 

vERK : Boss, the typewriter is broke. 
Boss: Too bad. If you'll buy her sup- 
I'll take her to a show. 



Vague 




This number a Forecast of 
The Latest Tasbions 



Just Out 



Published by 
The Vague Company 



VAGUL 



Phoney Tips From 
A-Broad 

T\EAR 'ol New York — and Amherst — yes, 
'^ let's not forget Amherst — you know Squee- 
dunk, New York, and Amherst are always just 
wild about our fads^ — hello, ol' deah, and how the 
. . . are you? I'm in Honolulu now and really, 
to tell the naked truth it is wonderful! From my 
picture you wouldn't eradicate that I'm in this 
balmy clime, now would you? It was taken 
the night of the queen's bath (a great festival 
night in the islands,) and the native photographer 
has retouched it, adding the dress, telephone, 
etc., for sobrietousness^ — sober old U. S.! The 
pose was obtained when I was on the beach, 
playing "Jello" with the Queen's oldest son, 
Sunpah, — Jello is a most difficult game— as 
you can see I was in the act of throwing one 
Jellyfish with my right and catching another 
daintily with my left. All we had to do was to 
substitute telephone for Jellyfish — Now for the 
stvles ! 



In Paris they are still wearing them — the 
deahs, and in Rome, togas are to be slit all round 
next season with a Greek onion border over the 
wrists — cute! Petrograd has a startling new whisker fringe on a soup plate hat — so daring and 
effective. Orange and green will be popular in English society circles as usual, with a slight 
tendency to return to full skirts — (Full skirts are also noticed in Cuba, — mostly Americans) — . 
Egypt will wear wrist watches and slippers again, after a long season without. On the Rhine I 
noted a very clever idea of the ever symbolic nobles — a poverty hand bag, made of gold links, 
the handle being studded with large diamonds and other attractive sillies^ — so in keeping with 
the spirit! Pekin is going wild about the Peekin' dress — a popularity one can easily see thru! 
The double V neck bathing suits of the Australian belles solve the tremendous 1921 problem 
— looking at it from both sides. Japan offers a beautiful belted frock in blue silk with pink 
polka dots on the bottom. Hawaii will be fuzzy again — and things in general are lower there 
this season. The Phillipine Islands I fotmd in a turmoil over a new creation (a dress which 
resembles our Boston Garter — I told them it was a steal). There you are Yorkie and Ammie — 
is that dope enovigh for you?) Ta-ta! 

A. Broad 




^ 



VAGUE 



The Editors of Vague are greatly indebted to the venerable Professor Ebonytop for this philo- 
sophical essay on Anarchy, which should be of greatest interest to all mothers. 



ANARCHY 

■^^ OR a long time wise men have been holding forth to us on the desirability of abolishing all 
Jf^ force in the world. Many of us have refused to hearken unto them because we feared long- 
^m bearded men whose names always ended in-ski would carry us down-hill too fast. I have 

^r reflected upon this subject while our freshmen were in long dresses. I have reflected upon 

this subject in a certain sophomore class while all others slept. I have finally concluded that the 
adoption of this principle would be, next to Woman Suffrage, the greatest boon that has ever come 
to humanity. 

Just think that under this system we could take a slice off of Mexico twice as big as Texas 
without having to pay or fight for it, and Mexico couldn't stop us. It is objected that Armenia and 
other countries have not had much luck at being defenseless. I am informed that the Armenians are 
ragged and often illiterate and no fit associates for Turkish gentlemen. The Turks are not to be blamed 
for massacring them. 

Most important of all, anarchy would solve once and forever that old problem of how to live 
without working. If you want money just rob your neighbor. It won't be working him any hard- 
ship because he can immediately rob someone else. Thus every one can have money whenever he 
needs it and all will be happy. 

Important also will be the effect of anarchy in the home. If baby reaches for the fly poison 
and you stop him he may repeat the offense when you are not looking. If you leave him alone and let 
him drink all he wants he will never do it again. 

I would write upon the effect of anarchy in the school but I am limited to 308 words and 




There will be a premium on 

slim figures this season 



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This Simple Gown 
Only $1500 






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Ruaell dsy" — 



Her ankles! Yes, they owe their trimness, their dainty alluringness, to wonderful LUCKY 
SITE Hosiery. Tear your gaze from them to meditate for a moment on their sheath of finest 
fiber, wrought by countless insect larvae of the East especially for LUCKY SITE Hosiery. How 
it adds to her charm — its shapely, clinging, lustrous /oscinaizon proclaiming itself to the dazzled 
eyes of men in the fashion-decreed stretch between her instep and skirt-hem. Famous for its 
ability to attract attention to the wearer, can now be obtained at the most select shops. 



f Sdi to rials * 

STYLES 

i^ ^POT so very long ago Squibby had the opportunity of attending one of these ehte social 

M ^^ functions which mean so much to the true lover of the dress suit and its accoutrements. 

^V M Standing behind the sheltering foliage of the palms he was immediately stricken with a 

desire to chuckle at the peculiar styles that floated before him to the soft strains of the 

delightful music. 

Girls of uncertain ages were the recipients of his attention. They lent to the scene a shadow of 
childhood days. Their hair bobbed to a kiddish dutch-cut and their skirts shortened to just below the 
knees gave them the appearance of overgrown dolls or five year olds let loose on a frolic. Utterly 
oblivious to the setting they were creating, they smiled gayly and chatted prettily with their dignified 
escorts, whose dress of somber black contrasted strangely with the child garb of their fair partners. 
Can it be that w e are to become a nation of children, that our women are going to gradually drift 
into the soothing state of perpetual childhood? Squibby is wondering if after all the severe days of 
the Puritans were not creative of a finer social life. 



FASHION AND THE H. C. L. 

^[^ACK in the days of long ago, when the New York song writers used to go down and sit on 
^^t the beach at Coney Island and Rockaway, and write songs about the beach at Waikiki, 
^f^M people used to warble "They're Wearing em Higher in Hawaii." About that time the 
^^^^ w. k. war broke out, and the ukelele gave way to the silver plated mess kit, but like John 
Brown, — the souls of the Hula times kept marching on. The center of population of abbreviated 
skirts has shifted. The crow came back recently from a flying trip to New York and Boston and in- 
formed Squibby that Hawaii is by no means the only place where they wear 'em higher. For every grass 
dress at Waikiki there's a dozen knee lengths on Broadway (song writers please copy.) 

Squibby has come to the conclusion that the answer to all this is again our old friend the H. C. 
L. With prices everywhere going up, what could be more natural than that dresses should go up 
too. Thus does fashion follow the trend of the times. Why should any girl go to the expense of buy- 
ing a new dress when she can keep on cutting off the bottoms of the "before the war" hobble skirts and 
fancier gowns, and keep right on the heels of style. Believe us it is cheaper to buy Pointexand Suxite 
(and much more pleasing to the eye) than to invest a fortune with Lucile. It is a hard struggle to make 
both ends meet, and the girls are making great headway, as any ball room will show. Squibby ven- 
tures to state that at the present rate of progress, it seems probable that the summer of 1923 will 
witness a alchrution second only to that which took place when the golden spike was driven at the 
joined ends of the Union Pacific Railroad. 



VAGUL 



In anticipation cf that event underclothing is becoming more and more a thing of beauty and 
a joy to the eye, rather than a mere object of utility. 

Grass dresses and flower necklaces have not yet appeared on Broadway, but if the piice of baled 
hay ever takes a drop we may expect it, for surely the girls do not lack courage to try anything once. 

They are making a brave fight against the profiteers and Squibby wishes to state that he is 
with them all the way. Beauty always appeals to us, especially when associated with a worthy cause. 
Only the deluge cf blue law reformero would be capable of taking exception to the movement and we 
defy men such as he to walk, without blinders, along Tremont Street on a spring da 3^ and remain blue. 
'Tis enough to convert even Cotton Mather and Jcnathan Edwards to the cause were they alive in 
their old haunts today. 




The Spring Poets Have 



Cut Loose Again 



SLUSH 

TWAS a beauteous spring 
The sun was shining bright 
When thus I spoke the first young man 
Who came into my sight. 

"Dost see those pretty birdlings 
i^gainst the morning sky?" 
"Sure, pop," he said, "I bet they'd make 
A corking sparrow pie." 

But I bespoke another, 

A tired looking hand. 

"Art thou not glad to see the snow 

Departed from the land?" 

He moved a quid within his mouth. 
I thought he'd start a row. 
"Hell, no," he swore, "I'll let you know 
I drove the city plow." 

— S— 

SPEED 

60-per 

SHE lost her coat. 
She lost her hat. 
We made a mile 
In nothing flat. 

0-per 
The engine stalled 
As engines will. 
But she was happy 
Standing still. 

"^* Still 0-per 
She lost her comb. 
She lost her rat. 
We made a mile 
In nothing flat. 

— S— 

IN Eng. 2: "What kind of sentence is this?" 
'A cannon-ball took off his legs, so he laid 
down his arms'." 

From back of room: "Unbalanced." 

— S— 

SPEAKER, in assembly: No two of us have 
the same needs. 
Voice, from audience: We all need money. 



o 



TO SPRING 

(The first one of the season) 

H, Spring! your gentle, whispering voice 
Has bid the trees and flowers awake; 
You summon Nature to rejoice. 
And smile upon the hill and lake. 



You summon Nature newly born 
To smile upon the sleeping flowers. 
And bring the days when Rosy Dawn 
Awakes us in the wee small hours. 



To Spring: 



You bring the days when eastern skies 
At 4 A. M. are flushed with red; 
You call me e're I close my eyes 
To come and leave my cozy bed. 

You call me when I seek repose 
To come and leave my cozy cot; 
But when you do, why goodness knows, 
I'll pull the shade down, like as not. 

— s— 

Quiz 

Wliere is the Avind when it isn't blowing? 
Where are the waves when the sea is still? 
What makes the grass ever stop a-growing? 
How do the quacks put good health in a pill? 

— S— 



I 



POETICAL JAZZ 

metaphor I loved her, 
The next day simile. 
We're such a rhyming couplet 
I meter constantly. 

— S— 



1 ST Street Car Conductor: Did they fire you 
*• when you told them you bought a house 
with the money you knocked dowTi? 

2nd Connie: No. They decided to keep me. 
They couldn't afford to buy a house for a new 
conductor. 



VAGUL 




UNCLE BILL SAYS: 



^X7HAT is it they can see, 
" ' In an ankle or a knee? 
It's more than I can tell. (Am I a fool?) 
How they rubber, nudge, and laugh, 
As the exposed silken calf. 
Disappears within the crowded vestibule! 



Now last summer at the beach, 

There was many a fair peach. 

With more than knees exposed to balmy air. 

Did the men then take the trouble, 

To gather on the double? 

No one even thought it worth the while to stare. 



Oh, Puck, you sure were right 

And if you were here tonight. 

To stand beneath this old white post with me. 

When a trolley car came by. 

You would wink an twinkling eye. 

And say again, "What fools these mortals be!" 



VAGUE 



Women used to wear hoop skirts; but now they don't give a hoop whether they wear any or not. 



SOME THINGS WE WOULD LIKE TO 
SEE REVIVED 

C'lVE cent carfares. 

^ One cent newspapers. 

The girl who thinks more of you than she does 
of your money. 

Pre-war railroad service. 

The Connecticut Valley Street Hallway Co. 
(it's been unconscious for five years) 

Supper and a show for five bucks 

The Declaration of Independence. 

The old fashioned Fourth of July. 

Free lunch. 

Sure fire matches. 

A newspaper in which no mention is made of 
divorce, murder, or the Irish situation^ 

A good love story. 

An honest day's work. 

A magazine without a Jewish story. 

Good roads. 

Legible handwriting. 

A few optimists. 

Beer glasses. 

Peace in Ireland. 

The Post-Office Department. 

Brandy drops, and frozen pudding. 

John Bunny. 

"Broncho Billy" Anderson. 

Theater or dance tickets minus the war-tax. 

The "good old days." 

— S— 

A REPEATER 

HE: "You know I love you — will you marry 
me?" 
She: "But, my dear boy, I refused you only 
a week ago." 

He: "Oh! was that you?" 

— S— 



NUT: Did you heay of the new square pea 
Burbank has invented? 
Meg: No, what's the idea? 
Nut: They won't roll off your knife. 



-S— 



JOHNNY: Pa, why did you tell Mr. Jones 
that Dr. Brown was a medium? 
Dr. Brown, my son, has direct access to the 
spirits. 



SOME THINGS WE WOULD LIKE TO 
SEE ABOLISHED 

RMY shoes. 

John Galsworthy. 

Street car conductors' hold-up guns. 

Income-tax blanks. 

The Bureau of War Risk Insurance. 

Henry Ford. 

Eugene V. Debs. 

The motorcycle fiend. 

The pest who says, "Did I ever tell you about" 
etc. 

Fannie Hurst. 

The Boston Elevated Railway. 

Divorce cases. 

The average summer vacation snapshot. 

Cascarets. 

Souvenir post cards. 

Strikes. 

War taxes. 

Free verse. 

Eamon DeValera. 

The 18th Amendment. 

One-arm lunches. 

Liquid soap containers. 

The gentlemen who sell "The latest song hit" 
at the hurleys. 

Cotton stockings. 

The stage detective, who always wears his hat 
in the house, and smokes a cigar. 

Drives. 

The barber who insists on giving you a sham- 
poo, massage, scalp rub, hair tonic, "skin 
food", singe, and a shave, when you only 
wanted a haircut. 



-S— 



A PROFESSOR was giving a lecture to his 
class on "The Secret of Success". "Now," 
said he, "the thing that you young gentlemen want 
to keep in mind is that you should always seek 
to do one thing better than anyone else can do it. 
Now is the time to learn to do that. Tell me — ■ 
is there anyone here who can do one thing better 
than anyone else?" 

One man timidly raised his hand. 

"And what is it?" asked the prof. 

"I can read my own writing better than any- 
one else," he said. 



VAGUL 




Now that the girls are having their hair bobbed, why not send a Httle of the severed hair home 
to father? He worried his off for their sake. 



EXCHAHCE 



-80A1 



The saddest sight 

I know 

Is a bunch of people 

Hailing respectively 

From Oil City, Mich., Tiffin, Ohio; 

Springfield, Vermont, etc., etc., 

Sitting in the lobby of a New York hotel. 

Looking at each other 

And saying mentally, 

"My, look at the swell New Yorkers!" 

Froth 



Clerk (in department store, to "wop" buying 
powder) — Do you want Mennen's.^^ 

Wop: No, wimmins. 

Clerk in disgust: Oh, I know that, but do 
you want it scented?" 

Wop: No, sir; I'll take it with me. 

Tar Bahy 

Oily to bed, 
And oily to rise, 
Is the fate of a man 
When an auto he buys. 

Jvdge 



IN THE QUIZ 

"Are we to write on both sides: or how? 
"I'm writing all I know on the edge." 

Froth 
"Taxi, sir?" 
"Go to hell." . 
"Sorry, sir, can't leave the city limits." 

Tiger 



PLAY HOME, SWEET HOME 

'Do you like to dance in this dark corner?" 
'No; let's stop dancing." 

. Jester 



"His education is still in its infancy." 

"Why?" 

"Oh, it rests on a crib!" 

Record 






f 



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^^£\^.v.^ 



Mrs. Schoppen: Blackberry jam thirty cents 
the jar! My isn't that jam jear? 

Mr. Sands: Isn't it what? 

Mrs. Schoppen : I say, isn't that dam. jear-er — 
I mean, isn't that dam dear. Oh, "never mind. 

Crimes 



NOT FOR ME 

Night Owl: Set the alarm for two, will you? 
Roomie: You and who else? 

Cornell Widow 



Hint for chapel speakers — The longer the 
spoke, the greater the tire. 

Tiger 



John did not come straight home. Hence 
he did not come home straight. The towering 
form of his wife loomed above him, as his stumb- 
ling, shoeless feet sought the steps. 

"Drunk again," she said caustically. 

"Horray, m'dear," he replied cheerfully. "So'm 
L" 

Sun Dial 



Grandfather: "Nearly a generation and a 
half ago my head was grazed by a bullet in the 
Battle of Chickamauga." 

Grandson: "Not much grazing there now, is 
there, grandpop?" 

Hum B 



REDUCED 

He: Saw Minnie with her new bathing suit 
under her arm. 

Him: Is that the latest style?" 

Cha'parral 



"Have you made up your mind to stay in?" 
"No, I've made up my face to go out." 

Juggler 




>5ler)09 — To To ■rV)iok S ui- ^iroo^T 2^9 2>rii(T)a\ So ^oVj-^oW o^ N^oV^-Vjaw too\A Vie So Vi'i'h Vjard 



SHAKESPEARE OUTDONE 

Conversational contest. M. A. C. (male ) vs Amherst High School (female). 
^\ MOVED a little closer. We were now occupying the center of the top step. I groped for her 
^M little hand, and spoke feelingly, 
^k^^ "It must have been a night like this that Romeo leaped over Capulet's wall, and defied death 
at the hands of his enemies to whisper a few words to his beloved." 

She mechanically placed her pink fingers where my fumbling ones could reach them, and replied, 

"Yes — you say 'wliispered' — Oh, do you know, I nearly got canned for whispering at school 
today. Miss Flint looked right at me, and scowled so!" 

"The moon probably shone then in Italy just as it does here in Amherst tonight. I think I can 
understand how the young lover felt when, after the dance, — " 

"Oh, by the way^ — excuse me for interrupting — but you should have been at Miss Wigg's danc- 
ing school last week. Johnny's Jazz was on hand, and John Drohan was there, and he and Sue Rogers 
nearly got put off the floor for cheek dancing, and — " 

"Yes, I was saying, after the dance, how he must have longed for another sight of that fair 
young creature in the ball dress, who — " 

"Speaking of dresses, did you see Elsie Darling at the Bijou Wednesday night? Worst sight 
ever! Banged hair, dresses chopped off, shoulders bare — oh, it was terrible! And mother thinks 
this dress is short. (Here she kicked her feet a little, and I gazed manfully skyward. Shakespeare 
was still with me, though.) 

"You must look like Juliet. She, too, had dark hair, and was rather lo-lo — that is to say — " 

"Bow-legged?" 

"Oh, no! But seriously, did you never long for a garden bower like Juliet's, and a high wall 
for some young gallant to tumble over?" 

"No, but I've longed for a big, blue Cadillac like Marion Smith's. Oh, boy, can't that boat 
hum! Nat so fast as Harry Daniels' speeder, though. Harry's a peach — took me out last Monday 
night — I er I don't believe he ever heard of Romero." 

"Probably not. He's quite an expert at picking out women. Girls seem to fall for him — or 
his speeder." 

"Well, how about your Romero? Did he ever have any pull with the girls?" 

"Why— er— yes. Why?" 

"Did he spend his evenings confabing with his girl about some foolish story-book boys and 
girls?" 

'Uh? No, he used to — Say, do you really want to know?" 

"Sure — demonstrate, as Principal Harlan says." 

"What! I can't with that street light in the way." 

"My goodness, have you come to. ?!?! Well, Mr. Romero, the street light don't shine on the back 
steps!" 



VAGUE 



Believe everything you hear, but believe half of it to be bunk. 

— S— • . — S— 



DO you think our son will ever make a good 
farmer?" said Cy Hoskins, "He had the 
Ford out last night, and this morning I found a 
comb, a dozen hairpins, a powder puff, a vanity 
case, a string of beads, and a shoe buckle in the 
back seat." 

"Well," said his wife, "I guess he will, Father; 
he seems to have covered the field pretty thorough- 

ly." 



— s— 



YOUR room looks terribly bare, Joe. Where 
are all the snappy pictures and statues? 
Well, you see, the folks are coming up for a 
visit next week-end. 



-Q . 



OVERHEARD AT THE MEAT-MARKET 

Pat, leave off of Mrs. O'Hara's shin and crack 
Mrs. Flanagan's ribs. 

Yes, sorr, as soon as I have cut off Mrs. Mur- 
phy's leg. 



— S— 



IZZY: You have such a kind face. 
Dizzy: Have I? 
Lizzy: Yes, a funny kind. 



PROF: In former times, gentlemen, there 
have been migrations to the city of the 
best blood of the country. The city has been 
getting the cream. The country has been get- 
ting the skimmed milk. 

Subdued voice: So has the Hash House. 



'OAY, Bill, did you see the dress on that girl 



I 



who just passed?" 
"No, I didn't, did you?" 

— S— 

GOT a case on you said the judge as he tapped 
on the refrigerator. 



— S- 



It's 



B 



RIGHT Student: This course is a dream. 
Ditto: It must be. I'm always asleep in it. 



B^IG: What is an herbarium? 

^ Nut: Figure it out her-bear-ium. 

where they keep the she-bears at the zoo. 

— S— 



SHE: "Why Ethelbert, what's the matter; 
you're buckling up my goloshes all wrong." 
He: (Struggling valiently): "You'll have to 
buckle 'em yourself I guess; I can't seem to keep 
my mind on my work." 

— S— 



TOUGH LUCK, CY. 

CY Hoskins, while harnessing his grey mare 
last Saturday night, was kicked just south 
of his corn crib. 

— S— 

HE: During the war I lost the use of both 
legs. 
She: How long ago did you lose the use of 
your arms? 

— S— 

AN Irishman and a Scotchman were dying of 
thirst. 
They finally arrived at a "third rail." The Scotch- 
man had a half dollar while the Harp was broke. 
That's all to the story. Pretty tough on the 
Harp, eh? 

. — S— 

STUDENT (translating) : " 'Three times I 
threw my arms around her,' — that's as 
far as I got Professor." 

Prof: "That's far enough, sir ?" 



She (fixing mussed-iip hair) : "My, but I Hke 
it in the fall." 

He: "Hum, I like it any time." 

Gargoyle 



'What kind of an instrument is that?' 

'Shoe horn." 

'What does it play?" 

'Foot notes." 



Tiger 



Jim: "Well, 1 surely knocked 'em cold in my 
courses. 

Mie: "Yeah, whatja get?" 
Jim: "Zero." 



As the tooth paste said to the tooth brush, 
"Pinch me, kid, and I'll meet you outside the tube.'' 

Lord Jeff 



SIMILARITY 

First Editor: "Judge has got some stuff in its 
last issue just like ours." 

Second Editor: "Yes? What?" 
First Editor: ".\n Arrow Collar Ad." 

The Lyre 



An Orchestra 

with 

''PEP'' 




For engageiTients, call: 
M- M. Smith, Phi Sigma Kappa House 



or 



C. Dunbar — Sigma Phi Epsilon House 



He: "Have you any class now, Mabel?" 
Co-ed: "Look me over." 

Octopus 



BOWDOIN LITERATURE 

Prof, (telling reminiscences of old Brunswick) : 
"And do you know, Harriet Beecher Stowe used to 
w^ear forget-me-nots on her stockings?" 

Student (gazing keenly at Prof., and thinking 
deeply:) "Hmmm." 



Try 

eating at 
Mrs. Williams' 
An excellent place to Board 



The place to Buy Good Eats is at Drury's 
Domestic Bakery, 10 Main St. 

If you don't believe it consult the ladies 
at Abigal Adams Hall. 



W. B. Drury 



Printing - Ruling - Rinding 


^- , 

"The Kind Worth While" 


^ 

EXCF.I .SIOR PRINTING CO. 

Phone 59 - - North Adams, Mass. 


UM! 
She' (tenderly): "And are mine the only lips 
you have kissed?" 

He: "Yes, and they are the sweetest of all." 

Jester 


"Were you and daddy good boys when I was 
gone?" asked the mother. 

"Oh, yes, mother," replied the child. 
"4nd did you treat nurse respectfully?" 
'1 should say we did." 

"An did you kiss her good-night every day?" 
"I should sav we did." 

Dirge 


Little Boy (to old man with long whiskers) : 
"Say, mister, were you on the ark?" 

Old man: "No, my boy." 

Little Boy: "Then why weren't you drowned 
with all the rest?" 

Showme 


The Draper Hotel 

Northampton, Mass. 

THE HOTEL OF BANQUETS 

We Cater to Football, Baseball & Basket- 
Ball Teams 
Also to — 
Class Banquets, of w^hich we have made 

such a Great Success Come Again. 
WM. M. KIMBALL, PROP. 




What Is Air Pressure? 

THE air is composed of molecules. They constantly 
bombard you from all sides. A thousand taps by a 
thousand knuckles will close a barn door. The taps 
as a whole constitute a push. So the constant bombardment 
of the air molecules constitutes a push. At sea-level the air 
molecules push against every square inch of you with a 
total pressure of nearly fifteen pounds. 

Pressure, then, is merely a matter of bombarding mole- 
cules. 

When you boil water you make its molecules fly off. 
The water molecules collide with the air molecules. It takes 
a higher temperature to boil water at sea-level than on Pike's 
Peak. Why? Because there are more bombarding molecules 
at sea-level — more pressure. 

Take away all the air pressure and you have a perfect 
vacuum. A perfect vacuum has never been created. In the 
best vacuum obtainable there are still over two billion mole- 
cules of air per cubic centimeter, or about as many as there 
are people on the whole earth. 

Heat a substance in a vacuum and you may discover 
properties not revealed under ordinary pressure. A new 
field for scientific exploration is opened. 

Into this field the Research Laboratories of the General 
Electric Company have penetrated. Thus one of the chem- 
ists in the Research Laboratories studied the disintegration 
of heated metals in highly exhausted bulbs. What happened 
to the glowing filament of a lamp, for example? The glass 
blackened. But why? He discovered that the metal dis- 
tilled in the vacuum depositing on the glass. 

This was research in pure science — research in what 
may be called the chemistry and physics of high vacua. It 
was undertaken to answer a question. It ended in the dis- 
covery of a method of filling lamp bulbs with an inert gas 
under pressure so that the filament would not evaporate so 
readily. Thus the efficient gas-filled lamp of today grew out 
of a purely scientific inquiry. 

So, unforeseen, practical benefits often result when re- 
search is broadly applied. 




General Office 



Schenectady, N. Y. 



96-869 H 



1^ 



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The Massachusetts Agricultural College 



THE Massachusetts Agricultural College received its first entering class 
in 1867. It has always maintained a reputation as an influential factor 
in agricultural activities, and among its graduates are found foremost 
agricultural leaders. 

The campus comprises six hundred acres beautifully situated in the famous 
Connecticut Valley, in the town of Amherst; — an ideal college location. The 
quiet town life affords few distractions from the work at hand, yet trolley ser- 
vice makes it convenient to centers of population such as Springfield, North- 
ampton and Holyoke. Boston is ninety-seven miles distant, and served by direct 
train service over the Boston & Maine Railroad. 

A four year resident course leads to the Bachelor of Science degree. Ad- 
vanced degrees are awarded for graduate study. The student life is strongly 
democratic and develops to the highest degree the spirit of leadership. Stu- 
dent self-government promotes a high standard of individual responsibility. 
Examinations are conducted under an honor system administered by the stu- 
dents themselves. 

The following special lines of study are combined with prescribed and 
elective courses to assure a thorough college education. 



Agronomy 

Animal Husbandry 

Dairying 

General Agriculture 

Poultry Husbandry 

Floriculture 

Forestry 

Landscape Gardening 



Vegetable Gardening 
Economic Botany 
Agricultural Chemistry 
Economic Entomology 
Microbiology 
Agricultural Economics 
Agricultural Education 
Rural Sociology 



Pomologj^ 



Tuition is Free to Resident of Massachusetts 





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